


The Repeated Image of The Lover Destroyed

by martian_potato



Series: Tell Me How All This, And Love Too, Will Ruin Us [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Avengers Tower, Delves deep into what happens between Civil War and Infinity War 1, Follows cannon except for stony being married and peter being their adopted son, Hurt Tony Stark, M/M, Peter Parker Calls Tony Stark "Dad", Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's son, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Stark family feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark is a Fantastic Father, Tony and Steve are married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 11:21:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21968500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/martian_potato/pseuds/martian_potato
Summary: ‘You will find someone, Tony.’ Maria Stark whispered, playing with Tony’s hair as he leaned into her.  ‘Don’t let anyone, especially your father, convince you otherwise.  You will find someone who will choose you above all else, no matter the consequences.’‘How do you know?’ Tony mumbled, looking down at his bruised arms and bloody knuckles.Maria had just smiled and kissed the top of his head.  ‘I just do.’He had thought it would be enough with Pepper.  He had been blindsided when Steve strutted into the room and insulted him, then had the audacity to become his husband over the years following.  He had thought that person Maria had spoken of was Steve, when his eyes lit up when he saw Tony, when he smiled whenever he was mentioned, when he gave him his dog tags, when he proposed, when he had hesitantly laid out the adoption papers for one little boy in Queens.  He had thought wrong.Title from Richard Siken's poem "Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out"
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Tell Me How All This, And Love Too, Will Ruin Us [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1581424
Comments: 26
Kudos: 198





	The Repeated Image of The Lover Destroyed

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so some back-story:
> 
> Iron Man movie 1 actually happens in 2001. Steve comes out of the ice in 2002. Tony helps Steve become acclimated (bit of a rocky start that’s for sure) but they start dating and eventually get married. Steve lays out the adoption agencies write up on Peter like a year in and they get him. Everything else is the same. They live in the Avengers Tower. Tony found out about Pete being Spider-Man but Steve hasn't found out yet. Aunt May wasn’t able to care for Peter due to her job and financial issues after Ben passed. MJ and Ned are Peter’s BFFs in this story. Peter likes MJ as more than a friend but they’re not dating or anything. Low key might write a prequel for this at some point detailing all this lmao. 
> 
> Ignore all the questionable medical knowledge. I’m an engineer from Colorado and don’t know shit.

Day 0:

“That shield doesn’t belong to you!” Tony yelled out. “You don’t deserve it.” He spat blood onto the cold concrete.

Steve didn’t even glance over his shoulder before dropping the disk to the ground. The clang of the vibranium tore through Tony like a sword, finishing the job the shield had started mere seconds ago. The pain was worse than when his heart was cleaved open. The glass and metal shards scattered in front of him were more than symbolic. He walked out, supporting the one person Tony apparently could never hold a candle to, the one person the love of his life had chosen over him. 

_‘You will find someone, Tony.’ Maria Stark whispered, playing with Tony’s hair as he leaned into her. ‘Don’t let anyone, especially your father, convince you otherwise. You will find someone who will choose you above all else, no matter the consequences.’_

_‘How do you know?’ Tony mumbled, looking down at his bruised arms and bloody knuckles._

_Maria had just smiled and kissed the top of his head. ‘I just do.’_

Tony knows she was somewhat right. It clicked in his head when he had found Rhodey at MIT and then Pepper as his assistant and now CEO of Stark Industries. He knew, deep down, that these people he had the blessing to call his friends would always choose him. But it would never be enough.

He had thought it would be enough with Pepper. He had been blindsided when Steve strutted into the room and insulted him, then had the audacity to become his husband over the years following. He had thought that person Maria had spoken of was Steve, when his eyes lit up when he saw Tony, when he smiled whenever he was mentioned, when he gave him his dog tags, when he proposed, when he had hesitantly laid out the adoption papers for one little boy in Queens. He had thought wrong.

Watching the love of his life lie to his face and then walk away from the family he had worked so hard for left Tony completely empty. 

Lying there on the concrete, Tony felt his walls and armor build up around the remains of his heart. It had taken so long for Steve to chip away at his mask where Tony had felt comfortable enough to be vulnerable with another human being. It had taken years for his walls to be torn down, and it only took seconds for them to be built back up. He felt the cold emptiness settle in his chest, exactly where the arc reactor had been, and _fuck, his chest hurt, that can’t be good, shit —_

Breathing was difficult, so Tony tried keeping that to a minimum as he hauled himself up. A 200 lb dead suit didn’t help matters, but with it dead, Tony couldn’t do anything until he got it off.

_Thank god for my paranoid ass. Suck it, Pepper._ He gripped the edge of one of the plates, finding the button he had put to dismantle the armor in case he was trapped, like in that cave, in that wormhole to the void of space, under Steve’s shield, always trapped, always need a contingency, always—

He grunted, shoving the chest plate off and working himself out of the armor and into the frigid air. He grappled for his cell in his pocket, thanking his lucky stars he had taken it just in case, it was always just in case—

“Tony?” a tinny voice questioned through the speaker. “Tony?! Where are you? Are you okay?!”

He sighed, collapsing next to the heap of metal beside him. “I need a ride, Pep. Please.”

“Okay, I’ll have the jet headed to your coordinates.” She paused. “Are you going to tell me what happened?”

“Not yet, Pep. I…I can’t.”

There was silence. “We’ll talk about it later, then.” Another pause. “Peter’s been worried sick. You should call him, Tony.”

Tony looked up, trying to stop the burning in his eyes. “Let me know when the jet’s here.”

“Will do,” Pepper replied. “See you soon.”

Tony hung up, rubbing his eyes before pulling up another contact and hitting dial. Immediately, a voice shouted through the speakers. “Dad!!! Are you okay? Dad, what happened to you and Pops? Tell me you’re alright and coming home because if you’re not—”

Tony chuckled without any mirth, spurring on a coughing fit that sent pain stabbing through his chest. He felt spittle hit his lips and wiped it off without looking. “I’m fine, Peter. I’ll be home soon enough. The jet’s already on its way.”

“And Pops?” Peter whispered. Tony heard the small crack in his voice, the knowledge to guess what had happened but hoping to God it wasn’t true.

Tony didn’t speak for a while, catching his breath and covering his eyes as if that could stop the constant burning there. “He won’t be coming back with me, Pete.”

He heard Peter inhale harshly. “He’s not…”

Tony grimaced, absolutely gutted that his son, _their_ son, had to ask that awful question. Gutted that this clusterfuck of a situation, their shitty communication skills, and the need to always _go for the throat_ has allowed their son to even think that only one would walk away from this fight. “He’s fine, Pete.” He exhaled sharply, ignoring the rattle it produced. “He took off with Barnes.”

Peter sniffed over the line. “Oh.”

Tony finally let the tears fall. “I’m sorry, Petey. I’m so sorry,” he said wetly, pressing his eyes harshly. “I’ll be home soon. I’ll sort this out.”

“Ok, Dad. Please hurry.”

“Always,” Tony promised. “I love you, kid.”

“Love you too, Dad. Text me when you’re on the jet.”

“Will do.” Tony ended the call, letting the phone fall to the ground and curling in on himself despite the stabbing pain in his chest. Definitely broken ribs. He coughed, despite the pain, feeling wetness splatter on his lips and hand. He finally looked, grimacing at the blood coating his hand. The gold metal on his ring finger glinted under the red. 

By the time the jet came and Vision had loaded the dead suit and shield into the bay, Tony’s breaths had slowed and rattled on every exhale. He lay back against the wall, deep coughs causing his ribs to scream but were necessary to clear his throat of the thick blood choking him. He had to live to see Peter; he had to live to fix this shitshow.

Vision hauled him into the jet and began treating him, hands firm but surprisingly gentle on his wounds. Tony faintly heard Pepper on the phone, speaking in frantic but hushed tones. He tried to focus on her words but only caught one thing before he succumbed to the darkness. 

_Dr. Cho, please—_

Day 6:

The next time Tony woke, his fingers were being crushed and there was a heavy weight in his chest. It almost felt like before, when he had awoken in the aftermath of Afghanistan with the foreign feeling of a hunk of metal sitting in his chest.

His thoughts stuttered. _No way, no, please, please, no, not again, not –_

His eyes flew open, sharp light from the windows causing his headache to flare up and stab through his skull. He squinted and looked down, desperate to see his barren chest only to feel his stomach drop at the sight of metal and blue light glinting through the bandages. 

Peter was on him in an instant. “Dad!” He felt weight leave his hand and move to his shoulder. Tony looked at his son, trying to force the fear and despair from his eyes but knowing he was failing miserably at the heartbreak mirrored in Peter’s face. “I’m sorry, Dad.”

Tony shut his eyes, shoving all of his emotions to the back of his mind. “Pete…” he rasped out, trying to sit up.

“Hold on,” Peter said, helping to prop him up and then handing him a glass of water with a straw. “The doc said to take small sips. Don’t want to overwhelm your body just yet.”

Tony sipped the water until it was gone, appreciating the cold that was a balm to his throat. He took stock of the room he was in while doing so. Beige walls, tall windows, soft bed with a fluffy pillow supporting him; he was definitely in the hospital. The smell confirmed that thought. The Tower’s med-bay never smelt like the sharp sanitization every hospital seemed to have. Peter must have pressed the call button during this and the doctor walked in as he finished. 

“Hello Mr. Stark,” the woman said. “Do you remember me?” 

“Dr. Cho.” He stated, swallowing down the lump building in his throat. “Mind explaining to me why this is back in my chest?”

Dr. Cho grimaced, looking down at her clipboard and speaking quietly. “Your chest collapsed after you were brought in to us. You had a collapsed lung, with the other quickly filling with blood. Your ribs were severely fractured. This caused your diaphragm to cave in.” She looked up, grim. “You heart stopped shortly after. We implanted the arc reactor as structural support for your chest, and to also implement small shocks to your heart so that it continues beating properly. I truly am sorry, Mr. Stark, but we will never be able to take it out again after this. Your diaphragm and heart are too weak to sustain themselves.”

Tony sunk back into the pillows on the bed, gripping Peter’s hand hard. “Shit.”

“I’m going to inform Miss Potts that you are awake now, if that is alright with you, Mr. Stark.” Dr. Cho continued, motioning towards the door.

Tony nodded and looked at the ceiling. 

“There was a company meeting today with some big wigs Aunt Pepper couldn’t miss even though you were here,” Peter grumbled.

Tony gave a small smile. “Sounds about right, kid.”

Tony had Peter fill him in on what was happening in school, how Ned was doing, about his robotics team preparing for their next competition, if he had talked to MJ about his feelings yet. 

While Peter was rambling about his awful english teacher, Tony’s thoughts drifted to the Accords. He would need a plan to manipulate the UN into changing the Accords into something that would get the team back.

That would get _him back._

Even though the man had crushed his heart under his shield, then walked away from their own child, he still wanted him to come back. _Pathetic._

Tony squeezed his eyes shut, ignoring the burning tears threatening to spill over. This was why he never let anyone close. It always resulted in someone getting hurt. Usually it was the other person.

Usually.

Tony finally took in the dark circles under Peter’s eyes and the frumpy clothing. “How long has it been since you slept, Pete?” he asked, rubbing his thumb on his son’s cheek.

Peter’s eyes widened. “I’ve slept!”

Tony chuckled, continually stroking Peter’s cheek. “And showered?”

Peter crinkled his nose and frowned. “Not since you’ve been here.”

Tony hummed. “And how long has that been?”

“Six days,” the boy mumbled, hiding his face in Tony’s side.

Tony sighed, running his fingers through Peter’s unruly hair. Like father like son.

“I want you to go home, shower, and change.” Peter’s head came up, mouth open and ready to argue. “Ah ah ah! Do as I say, kid. I’ll be fine for the hour you’ll be gone.”

“Can I at least wait till Aunt Pepper comes? So you’re not alone?”

Tony bit back a smile. “Yeah, Pete. Of course. Maybe your Uncle Happy will take you to Five Guys and you can sneak me in some burgers.“

“Uncle Rhodey’s not going to be happy about that.”

“Uncle Rhodey doesn’t have to know, does he?” Peter laughed and the weight in Tony’s chest seemed a little lighter. “Remember, what he doesn’t know—“

“Won’t hurt him,” Peter finished, grinning.

“Exactly! Plus, we’re allowed have a cheat day and pig out on some greasy fast food after the week we just had.” Tony saw Peter’s smile fade and swore to himself for ruining the mood. “Don’t get used to it, though. As soon as I’m home, you’re back to eating veggies, kid. Gotta keep that spidey strength up.”

“Ugh Dad!! Ever since you found out—”

“I’m going to make you eat so many greens you’re going to look like the Hulk!”

Peter’s dramatic “Noooo!” was interrupted by Pepper storming into the room and deflating at the sight of the two boys.

“Oh thank god, Tony.” She said, gathering him up in a hug.

“God, you’re smothering me, Pep.”

“Shut up, you jerk,” she ground out, holding onto him tighter before letting him go in favor of giving Peter a hug and kiss on the head. “Hi Pete.”

Tony smiled at them before pointing at the boy. “Now go find Happy and get home and clean up. You’re stinking up the whole place.”

He ignored Peppers exasperated look as Peter gave him a hug. “I’ll be back in an hour,” he said as he swept out the room in search of Happy.

Pepper sat on the side of the bed, laying a hand on his thigh. Before she had a chance to speak, Tony blurted out “How bad is it?”

The redhead sighed, looking away from the brown eyes. “It’s pretty bad.” She inhaled a shaky breath. “You were dead for 5 minutes before they got the arc reactor back in. Peter was a mess while you were out. He barely slept or ate and he never left your side.”

Tony sighed and shook his head. “And the news?”

Pepper let out a startled laugh. “That’s actually been the easiest part of my week so far. Everyone’s taking your side.”

The man’s eyes widened in surprise. “What?”

“The public likes the Accords and the limits they’re placing on superheroes. There’s some that are against it, as there always is with politics, but everyone’s shown relief that you’ve signed them and backed them up. That you want supers to own up to their actions.” Pepper leaned forward, grabbing her phone from her pocket and holding it in from of him. “Stocks have gone through the roof and more people are in support of you now than ever before.”

Tony laughed and shook his head in disbelief. “That’s good at least. Less damage control from our end.”

“Most of the news has been about the Accords and politics of it all, but some tabloids are releasing articles about what it means for you and Peter now that St—“

“Don’t say his name. Not yet,” Tony pleaded, eyes squeezed shut.

“Okay, Tony.” She whispered, grabbing his hand. “That’s going to be harder to control, as the world’s going to want a statement from you when you’re ready.” She looked him in the eye, imploring him to tell the truth. “How are you, really?”

Tony took a deep breath, biting his lip before releasing it in a whoosh. He turned over his left hand to finger at the ring still settled on his finger. He finally let a tear fall. “My husband almost killed me and chose his old buddy over me. So not great,” he grimaced, angrily wiping at his eyes. “It was never about the Accords, Pep.”

“You never got a chance to tell me what led to this.” Pepper whispered, gently stroking his hand with her thumb.

“I trusted him. And he took that trust and crushed it.” A shuddery inhale. “He knew, Pep. He knew that Barnes murdered my parents. He knew for _two years._ ” Tony covered his face with the hand Pepper wasn’t holding. “For two years, he made me coffee, made Peter’s lunch, lived with me, slept with me _knowing_ that and he never told me.” Tony sank into Pepper’s arms gratefully. “He said he _loved_ us, Pep. And now all I can think is that it was all a lie.”

Pepper stroked her fingers through his hair, holding him as he continued. “People can still break the hearts of the ones they love.”

“What should I do, Pep?” he asked, sounding so small and so scared. Like he was 8 years old again, seeking out his mother after being smacked by Howard.

“You be there for Peter,” she murmured, afraid of shattering his heart anymore. “You move on. You keep saving the world. You save yourself and your son.”

“What if I can’t?”

“You and I both know very well that _that_ is a stupid question,” Pepper stated, smiling at Tony’s wet chuckle. “It’s going to be hard and it’s going to take time, but I’ve never met a more tenacious and persistent jerk.”

Tony huffed a laugh, pulling away from the redhead. “Thank you.”

“Always, Tony.” 

**

Tony had spent the better part of the hour trying to convince Pepper to give him a StarkPad so he could at least tinker around and keep his mind occupied. She wasn’t having it, arguing that he would over work himself and have to stay in the hospital longer than he needed to. 

“I’m going to go batshit crazy without anything to distract me, Pep. I’m going to sneak out of here and go to the workshop and start building a new suit—“

“I swear to god don’t even think about it—“

“That’s why I’m offering you a compromise! Let me have the tablet and I’ll stay in this room and heal like a good little superhero,” Tony said, smugness creeping into his tone as he saw Pepper wilt.

“Fine, but if I see you pushing yourself too hard or even thinking about stepping out of this room I will make you regret it _so much_ ,” she growled, handing a StarkPad over begrudgingly.

“Thank you!” he chirped, grinning as he pulled open his past design documents to review.

Tony was encompassed in a new StarkPhone design when Peter walked in, presenting the greasy brown bags in his hand like a fisherman showing off his biggest catch. “Package acquired!”

Tony grinned, holding out his hands in a gimme motion. “Thank god, I’m starving.”

“Why didn’t you say something?” Pepper’s brow furrowed. 

“I was waiting for this,” he crowed, shoving a handful of fries in his mouth as he unwrapped his burger. “Plus, hospital food sucks.”

Peter hopped onto the end of the bed and sat crisscross, digging in to his own burger with the ferocity only a teenage boy or a starving man could have. He nudged the bag towards Pepper using his foot, lifting his eyebrows pointedly. She smiled fondly, taking one of the offered cheeseburgers from the bag.

“Thanks, Pete.” Tony spoke, sipping his soda. “This really hits the spot.”

“Anthony Edward Stark!” the door burst open, banging against the wall. “Are you _trying_ to give me a goddamn heart attack?” Rhodey yelled, rolling to the side of the bed. He glanced at the redhead next to Tony and the boy at the end of the bed. “Hi Pepper. Hey Pete.”

“Hi James.” She sounded amused. Peter waved since his mouth was full.

Rhodes turned back to Tony. “You! How _dare_ you!” he yelled, slapping Tony’s hand away from his fries. “You better give me a hug before I beat your ass,” he grinned.

Tony leaned over and gripped his best friend tightly. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled into Rhodey’s neck.

Rhodey sighed, rubbing his hand up and down Tony’s back. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Tones. You did all you could.” He pulled back and glanced at the food the three were eat, sighing in exasperation. “Really guys? Couldn’t get anything healthier?” He turned to glare at Tony. “You are healing, you know. You should be giving your body protein and vegetables.”

“There’s protein right here,” Tony motioned to the burger in his hand. “And veggies!” he smiled, pulling out a piece of lettuce.

Rhodey shook his head and grabbed a burger, leaning back in his chair. “If you can’t beat ‘em…” he murmured.

“Join ‘em!” Peter held out a bag of fries as a peace offering.

The man took it, laughing at the chipmunk cheeks the boy was sporting. “How long did the doc say you had to stay here?” he inquired.

“I don’t know. She never said.” He stared at the walls and grimaced. “Hopefully not long. I hate hospitals.”

Day 13:

It wasn’t long before Tony arrived back at the Tower and was forced to face reality. Dr. Cho had forced him to stay the week until he could breathe without too many problems. He wasn’t happy about it, but even he could admit to himself that he wasn’t ready to go back to the Tower. Looking at their home, it was obvious it hadn’t been touched since he and Peter had flown to Germany. When Tony had tracked Steve to Siberia, he forced Peter to go back and stay with Pepper to avoid the crossfire.

As soon as the elevator doors opened, Tony was hit in the face with stagnate air and remnants of what he had dubbed “before Siberia.” Peter’s notebooks were haphazardly strewn across the kitchen table. Steve’s shoes were still neatly placed to the side of the door and his jacket was hung on the coat rack. Tony’s mug of coffee when he got the news about Germany was still sitting on the counter.

Peter was gripping his arm, a grimace on his face likely mirroring Tony’s. 

“Alrighty, kid. Before we drown in our self-pity and sadness, let’s get this place tidied up. I want you to organize your mess of a backpack and notebooks. Maybe even properly stow away your suit.”

Peter grumbled and reluctantly headed for the table first.

Tony grimaced as he reached down to pick up the shoes and coats by the elevator door. Straightening out, he hobbled towards their room. Maybe the heartache would hurt less if they weren’t constantly reminded of the absent presence.

He threw Steve’s shoes on the floor of his closet and threw the jacket on the desk chair. Turning to stare at the rest of the room, Tony felt his heart stutter. The pictures on the wall, the dog tags thrown on the bureau, the book and sketch pad next to the bed, the pajama pants thrown on the chair next to the closet. All remnants of the blond.

He fingered his ring again, twisting it round and round as he mentally debated with himself. Should he take it of after what he did to him? Or leave it on in hopes that he would come back and apologize and try to make things right?

_Not yet._

He knew he should go help Peter with the main room, order some dinner, _do something,_ but he was so tired. The throbbing of his chest was a constant drone in the back of his mind and all he wanted to do was collapse on their bed and _sleep._

He was powerless to fight the bone deep exhaustion as his body collapsed on the bed. His head didn’t even hit the pillow before he was asleep.

Day 14:

One glance at the clock caused him shoot up in bed and collapse back in the pillows as he clutched his ribs. The blanket had somehow made it over his body during the night and the pillows were packed against his back.

“Steve, why’d you let me sleep so—“ he paused, glancing to the other side of the bed. Empty.

He was gone.

Tony gulped as the harsh truth came back to him. Maybe he had come back in the night. Maybe he’d be in the kitchen, cooking some breakfast for him and some lunch for Peter. Maybe he’d be waiting with a soft ‘aw shucks” smile and an apology on his lips.

Tony forced himself to stumble to the kitchen, because his mind played tricks on him constantly, this could just be one of those episodes, where he had blown everything out of proportion and—

The kitchen was empty.

He wheezed to the living room. Maybe Steve was watching the latest baseball game and arguing with Peter about the better sports snack to have. He could almost hear the laughter if he strained his ears hard enough.

Peter was sat on the couch with Friends reruns playing on the TV. He glanced over the back of it at Tony, eyes sad and dark circles heavy.

Steve was really gone then.

**

He didn’t sleep that night.

Day 15:

When Pepper stopped by that afternoon, Tony was dozing on the couch.

He could hear the quiet murmurs and sniffles from behind him, but it seemed too much like a dream to be real. It almost sounded like Steve when he came home from a mission, sounding shy and tired and happy to hold his family in his arms again.

Scrappy arms wormed their way under him and he finally woke as he was hoisted into the air. His eyes felt dry when he cracked them open to see Peter with a hard look on his face. “P’ter?” he mumbled, trying to lift his head from its place on Peter’s shoulder.

“You’ll be more comfortable here,” the boy said as he dropped him on the bed. 

“Thank you,” he whispered back, gripping his son’s hand as it threw a blanket over him. “Love you.”

“Love you too, Dad.”

**

He woke up with crusty eyes and a dry mouth. “This is why I never take naps,” he mumbled to himself, rubbing his face. It was already dark out. He grimaced at the thought of Peter spending the last couple of days alone without him to lean on. Standing to head to the bathroom, he caught sight of the disk propped against the desk.

The shield.

The three scratches had been buffed out and the metal had been stained again to cover the damage.

So that was what Peter had looked upset about. 

The first touch of his fingers almost felt like a shock, the vibranium cold and unrelenting. 

_If Steve hadn’t have fought so hard, if Steve had listened to him, if Steve had put him and Peter first, if Steve—_

Between one breath and the next, Tony had already flung the shield into the wall of their pictures. All the happy memories their little family had experienced.

All the memories now washed away with betrayal.

The shield clanged off the wall and fell on top of the bureau, upending some books and the dog tags.

Those stupid dog tags.

_“Tony, I know…I know this…what we have scares you. I know you don’t do commitment, and you’re afraid you’re going to scare me off and mess this up. But I need you to know I don’t think you will.” Steve had been clutching something in his hand. “I need you to know that even if one of us messes this up, I’m still going to try my best to fix it and be there for you.”_

_The dog tags glinted in the sunlight pouring in from the window._

_“Steve, no—“_

_“Yes,” he said firmly and shoved the cold metal into Tony’s flickering hands. “I love you, Tony.”_

_“I’m not…I’m not some high school girl waiting on her boyfriend to give her his letterman jacket as a promise to their relationship. I don’t need these, I can’t have these, Steve, they’re too—“_

_“I know you’re not, Tony. But I don’t really need these old things anyway and I figured you’d be the best person to hold on to them.”_

_Tony glared, but Steve had just smiled back. He could never take Tony seriously when he saw his true emotions flashing by in his deep eyes. Steve lifted them up by their chain, motioning for Tony to turn around._

_Tony grumbled again about being a prom-queen, but obediently turned. He felt soft hands smooth the necklace over his head and let the tags fall to his chest. They clinked against the arc reactor._

_“That wasn’t so hard, was it?”_

_“Shut up.”_

He grabbed the tags now, glaring at the name punched into the thin metal. 

_“Did you know?”_

_“I didn’t know it was him.”_

_“Don’t kid me, Rogers. Did you know?”_

_A pause. No one breathed. “Yes.”_

The tags slammed against the far wall and fell in a crumple behind the bed.

He couldn’t stay in this room any longer.

Tony took an armful of his shirts from his closet, ignoring the sharp pain of his ribs, and headed for one of the many guest rooms. Moving his belongings was going to take a long time, but it would be worth it if he would be able to get some sleep without the emptiness of the bed and the bitter memories glaring him in the face.

“Dad?” Peter caught him opening one of the guest rooms.

The man looked down at his arms full of clothes. “Sorry, Pete. You shouldn’t have to watch this.”

“And you should be resting,” Peter stated, hands going to his hips. “The doctor said you shouldn’t do anything other than rest for the next 2 months.” Tony rolled his eyes and Peter threw his hands up in the air. “If you won’t rest, can I at least do the heavy lifting?”

Tony slumped against the guest room door. “I’d appreciate that.”

Methodically, Tony and Peter were able to transfer all of Tony’s stuff into a guest room. The boy had grimaced at the mess Tony had caused, but didn’t say anything, for which Tony was grateful. The pain of his broken ribs was getting close to unbearable when Peter spoke. “One last thing, Dad, then it’s to the couch for you.”

Tony turned, not sure what to expect. In his son’s hands was a framed picture of the two at his first science fair, where Peter had been the youngest student to win first place in the school’s history. Tony had been beaming with pride. Steve had snapped a picture of Tony kneeling next to the table with Peter’s small robotic arm and listening intently as Peter gave his presentation.

He gave a tight smile, eyes burning at the gesture. “How could I forget?” He took the picture and placed it on the side table next to his side of the bed. “Your only accomplishment.”

Peter gasped and his hand flew to his chest in mock hurt. “How could you! I’m offended!”

Tony grinned at his reaction before sobering up. “I kept that little robot arm, you know. Dum-E thinks it’s his baby still.”

The boy huffed a laugh. “That doesn’t surprise me. Dum-E is as sentimental as they come. What did I call it, again?”

“Grabby. He kept trying to grab people’s shirts whenever they would walk by.” Tony looked down with a smile. “U and Butterfingers wouldn’t even give him the time of day when I first introduced them.” A silence fell over the pair, lasting only a few seconds before Tony shook his head to clear his thoughts. “Want to order a pizza for dinner?”

“I thought you’d never ask.” Peter said, already pulling out his phone and heading for the door. “The usual, Dad?” 

“Yeah! Don’t forget the extra sauce, they always skimp on it!”

Day 25:

Tony turned 46 today.

He and Pete had spent it at the Tower, with Pepper and Rhodey showing up with burgers and cake. Bathroom breaks and getting more drinks aside, none of them had moved from the couches in the living room for the entire day. Tony’s ribs and lungs were still healing, so he wasn’t even allowed to get up for anything but the bathroom.

They had binged some truly awful SyFy movies, arguing about the science behind whether or not Sharknado would even be possible (Tony was arguing that it totally was, come on, Rhodey, think a little!) or who would win between the Mega Shark or the Gatorsaurus. Peter and Pepper had teamed up, saying the Gatorsaurus, but Tony and Rhodey were rooting for the Mega Shark. The Gatorsaurus won the battle and Peter took the opportunity to throw popcorn in both Tony’s and Rhodey’s faces.

Because Peter had school the following day (“It’s my last week, I can stay up a little late!” “Nuh uh, you have finals, I can smell them on you!”), the four of them called it a night at 10pm. 

“Thanks for coming over and getting my mind off of everything. It sucks being on house arrest for healing,” Tony grumbled, running a hand over his bandaged ribs.

“It was our pleasure, Tones,” Rhodey said, grabbing his friend in a gentle hug.

Pepper waited for Rhodes to be done before wrapping Tony in a hug herself. “Get some sleep tonight, okay?”

Tony smiled, grateful for his little family he had found. “Yeah, Pep. ‘Course.” He waved goodbye and headed towards his room. He had never felt old before, but the ache in his chest made him feel like he had aged ten years within the month. He found Peter waiting outside his room, holding a small box in his hands. “What’s this?”

“I, uh, got you something.” He thrust the box towards Tony. “Happy birthday, Dad.”

Tony’s brow furrowed. “Pete, you didn’t have—“

“Yeah, but I wanted to give you something.”

Tony took the box, giving a look when he felt the weight of it. He opened it and grinned at what he saw. 

A huge coffee mug.

He pulled it out, admiring it. One side said in massive letters “Best Dad Ever!” and the other side had a picture of the two of them at Christmas last year, grinning over Peter’s brand new Star Wars Lego set.

Tony looked back at his son, tears threatening to flow. Peter’s eyes got wide. “Oh god, do you not like it? I’m sorry, I just know how much coffee—“

“I love it, Pete,” Tony choked out, gathering his son in a tight hug. “Thank you.”

“Welcome, Dad,” Peter mumbled against his chest. “Have a good night.”

“You too, kiddo,” Tony whispered into his hair. “Get some sleep. Love you.”

“Love you too!” Peter called out, retreating to his room to go to bed.

Tony stared at the mug in his hands, grinning from ear to ear. He was never going to use another mug again in his life.

Day 34:

It had been three weeks since he was released from the hospital. The bruises on his face were mostly faded, but the wheeze he got when he over-exerted himself had Pepper yelling at him to sit down and “rest for once in your goddamn life.” His ribs still ached, but he had lived with pain long enough that it was only background noise. He was keeping Rhodes distracted while he suffered through physical therapy, heckling him from the desk next to the wall of windows. The brace that would allow the colonel to comfortably walk again was fully designed; Tony just needed his stubborn family to allow him back in his workshop so he could actually build it.

He rubbed his thumb over his wedding band, which still sat on his left hand. It felt like a shackle. No matter what thoughts crowded in his mind, he wasn’t strong enough to take it off. He didn’t know if he would ever be.

Three thumps sounded on the glass door to the room, breaking him out of his thoughts. There was a mailman at the door. “Are you…” he paused, squinting at the box. “Tony Stank?”

“Yes, this is—this is Tony Stank,” Rhodes said, motioning to Tony. “You’re in the right place. Thank you for that!” he grinned, turning towards Tony. “Never dropping that, by the way.” Tony rolled his eyes as Rhodes turned back to the walker. “Table for one, Mr. Stank!” Rhodes called out, ignoring the exasperated laugh from Tony.

Tony shook his head with mirth, grabbing the box from the mailman. “Thank you.”

“Who’s it from?” Rhodes questioned after the door shut.

“Doesn’t say,” Tony muttered, ripping open the end of the box. His hand came in contact with an envelope, marked with his name written in neat scrawl. “Shit.” His face went cold. 

“Uh oh,” Rhodes said, hobbling over to the other man. “That’s never good.” He spotted the envelope and grimaced. “You don’t have to read that, Tones. You don’t owe him shit.”

The man stared blankly at the paper. “I know,” he whispered, almost robotically. He took a seat at the desk and waited for the colonel to sigh and give him some privacy. As soon as Rhodey was back doing his physical therapy, Tony tore open the envelope.

_“Tony,_

_I'm glad you and Pete are back at the Tower. I don't like the idea of you two rattling around the mansion on your own. We all need a home. The Tower is yours. Maybe more so than mine._

_I was on my own until I met you. I never really fit in anywhere until then. My faith's in people, I guess. Individuals. And I'm happy to say that, for the most part, they haven't let me down. Which is why I can't let them down either. Locks can be replaced, but maybe they shouldn't._

_I know I hurt you, Tony. I guess I thought by not telling you about your parents I was sparing you, but I can see now that I was really sparing myself, and I'm sorry. And to Peter, I’m sorry for how this all unfolded, for leaving, for not saying goodbye, for everything. I never intended to hurt either of you. Please know that. Hopefully one day you can understand._

_I wish we agreed on the Accords, I really do. I know you're doing what you believe in, and that's all any of us can do. That's all any of us should._

_So no matter what, I promise you, if you need us…if you need me…I'll be there._

_I love you both. So much._

_Steve”_

Tony stared out the window of the room, eyes filled with anger, pain, betrayal, _tears_ , as his clenched fingers crumpled the paper. He squeezed his eyes shut against the burn. Tony Stark was not a crier and he wasn’t going to start now. He sucked in a harsh breath and turned over the box, watching an archaic phone tumble out. He flipped it open, frowning at the screen that listed a name and number he would never call.

His thoughts were slammed to a halt by FRIDAY’s voice coming over the speakers. “Priority call from Secretary Ross. There’s been a breach at the Raft prison.”

“Yeah put him through,” he said, leaning forward in his chair to be closer to the desk landline near him. 

“Tony we have a problem—“ Ross started, sounding annoyed.

“Ah! Please hold!”

“No, don’t—“ 

Tony hit the hold button, turning to look at the flip phone before looking to his friend for guidance. Rhodes rolled his eyes. “Don’t give me that look. You’re going to do whatever you’re thinking of doing with or without my approval.”

“Yeah, but it would be nice if you gave me your input anyway, honey bear.”

“You know that breach was Rogers. Ross knows it too,” the man pointed out. He frowned and looked at the ground. “We both have seen the Raft, Tones. It’s not pretty.”

“I know,” Tony mumbled. “Just not sure how to sweep this under the rug with Ross breathing down our necks.”

Rhodey nodded. “You’re going to be dealing with him a lot from now on. Might as well get used to it.”

Tony hit his head on the desk, dramatically groaning at the thought. “I fucking hate that guy.”

“Don’t we all.”

Tony hit the hold button to bring Ross back on the speaker. “Sorry about that, I’m a bit busy. What was it that you were saying?”

Day 49:

The sun was blinding, radiating on the city that was already melting from the summer heat. Tony was dressed in a soft linen suit with a dark shirt, hiding the glow of the reactor from the public. He wasn’t ready to reveal that piece of information yet. 

The UN had asked him to hold a press conference where he could make his statement pertaining to the Accords and to the rogue Avengers. Once his statement was made, it would be likely that the press and public would lose interest in the Accords, which would allow for the political discussions to really start between Tony and the World Council. The only issue was that he wasn’t physically able to hold the press conference until today. Dr. Cho had given him a clean bill of health a few days ago, declaring his lungs and ribs fully healed. He didn’t want the world to see the damage Steve, no, Captain America, had caused on his husband and fellow superhero.

Tony shook the thoughts from his head. No time for personal feelings. The announcer was finishing their opening statements and a woman with a headset on motioned for him to make his way on stage. He put on his blue sunglasses against the harsh lights of the auditorium and to mask whatever emotion decided to unwittingly slip into his eyes. The announcer gave him the podium and he gave his blinding publicity smile to the audience, full of news reporters and cameras.

“Good morning. You all know the reason I’m here today, so I’ll cut to the chase. Yes, I fully support the Sokovia Accords and I encourage everyone to support them as well. They are in place to protect the general populace of the planet as well as to protect supers from themselves. They are meant to hold supers accountable for their actions and allow civilians to have a say in what supers can and cannot do. I do believe that the Accords will need amendments, as we all know that the first draft is rarely used in its entirety. Take a look at the United States Constitution, for example! It has 27 amendments to this day. It has morphed and changed with time, and that is what the Accords will do as it becomes integrated into our societies.

“Captain Steven Rogers, also known as Captain America, is stuck firmly in his belief that the Accords are stripping the rights away from supers. What he fails to realize is that supers have a tendency to destroy and harm in addition to all the saving that occurs. What he fails to understand is that maybe supers need to answer to somebody, too, just as military officers must answer to their superiors. But, I digress, I am not necessarily here to talk about what went through Captain Rogers’ mind during this whole debacle.

“What I am here for is to discuss personal matters. When Captain Rogers decided to flee the country with the fugitive Winter Soldier, he also decided to leave behind his family. I followed him.” Tony paused at the gasp from the crowd. “I followed him and Sergeant James Barnes as they were fleeing, and I tried to offer a truce as both Iron Man and as Steve’s husband. They denied what I had to offer and incapacitated me so that I could not follow them farther.

“With this decision, Steve left behind both me, his husband, and our son. At the moment, you can consider Steve and I separated and our son in my full custody. Our son is a minor so I ask that you give him privacy; if I find out that he’s been hounded by anyone, there will be lawsuits.” The audience laughed a little. “This situation has been extremely hard on us, but that will not stop my son from living his life to the fullest and it will not stop me from being Iron Man. I refuse to let my personal issues get in the way of making this world a better place to live for everyone. That is the very reason why Iron Man was created, and why I will be working closely with the United Nations on the Accords.

“I’ll take questions now.”

A chorus of “Mr. Stark!” came from the crowd, who all stood in the chaotic commotion to get Tony’s attention. The announcer appeared from the side of the stage and proceeded to call on news stations. Most of the questions were concerning his personal thoughts on the Accords, what he would change about them, and how he felt about the rogue Avengers fleeing the country. All of these he answered with perfect form and politically correct vocabulary. He thought Pepper would be proud.

The last question taken was from a man in a large brown suit. “Mr. Stark, is divorce in the future between you and Captain Rogers?”

Tony clenched his left hand behind the podium, feeling the ring where it still circled his finger. “Does anyone know what will happen in the future?” he smiled sickly sweet, not answering at all because he honestly _didn’t_ know how he would answer it truthfully. “That’s all the questions I’ll be taking today. Thank you.” He waved as he headed off the stage and towards the car Happy had waiting for him. His exhaustion must have been evident as he collapsed in the seat beside his friend and listed sideways. He felt a blanket be tossed over him and the car rumble on, but his mind went blissfully blank after that.

Day 56:

Out of everything Tony was expecting, this wasn’t it.

A door slammed in his face, a slap on the cheek, an angry lecture, anything other than the solemn stare and the tired beckoning for him to come inside.

Laura Barton looked exhausted.

Lila had been outside, practicing her archery and brooding. She barely gave Tony a glance before letting an arrow _thwick_ into the target.

It was a good thing he left Peter at home. One angsty teen a day was enough.

“Hey Laura,” he wavered, entering the house and toeing off his shoes. 

“Go sit on the couch and I’ll grab us drinks. Hold him,” she stated, dropping the toddler into his arms and walking into the kitchen.

He hoisted Nathaniel on his hip and brought him to the couch. He would never admit it, but he loved little kids. Their curiosity never failed to inspire him. He cooed at the little boy, who grinned and babbled back.

“Hi?”

“I’m Tony,” he explained softly, gripping the little fist in a handshake. “I met you when you were still in your mama.”

“In Mama?”

“Yeah, she was _this_ big!” Tony exclaimed, widening his hands out and causing Nathaniel to giggle.

Laura sat down heavily in the chair across from them and set two Cokes on the table. “You really know how to woo a gal.”

“You know it,” he winked as Nathaniel wiggled off Tony’s lap and waddled to the basket in the corner full of toys.

“Why the visit, Tony?”

He sighed, slumping back in the couch. He was guiltily glad to know he wasn’t the only one left drained by the situation. “Because I know how much this all sucks, and I wanted to check in on you and see if I could help at all. Taking care of one kid is a full time job, I can’t even imagine taking care of three.”

She gave a sad smile. “It’s really not all that different from one.”

He felt a light tap on his knee. Nathaniel was holding out a small stuffed horse and looking at him expectantly. “Who is this?” he asked, grabbing the animal.

“Blackbeard,” the child nodded before turning back and heading towards the basket again. 

Tony chuckled, setting the animal on the couch next to him. “He’s cute.”

“He’s a total menace,” Laura admitted with a smile. “He’s way too smart for a 2 year old.”

“It’ll only get worse,” he smiled, accepting another animal from the boy. “How are you really, Laura? How can I help?”

“You can’t really without bringing Clint back.” Her words were spoken softly but still cut through Tony like ice.

“I know…I tried.”

“He doesn’t like to listen once he’s got an idea in his head.”

Another toy was placed in his lap, this time a small Iron Man action figure. Tony looked at Nathaniel’s grinning face before the child went back to the basket. “Every time I get something amended on the Accords, I send it over to Wakanda. So that they can see what’s changed and decide to come back.” 

“Have you…heard anything?”

He accepted a goldfish beanie baby with a closed-lip smile before turning back to her. “No, I haven’t. T’Challa won’t give me any info.”

Her face fell. “I was hoping Clint would call by now.” He had no words of comfort to offer her. “Well, I was going to make some pasta for dinner if you’re not too busy.”

“That’s okay. I need to be getting home to Peter, anyway. If he tries to cook by himself he’ll burn down the entire Tower,” he laughed. “Thank you, though. I really appreciate the offer.”

“Well, you and Peter are always welcome to stop by. Lord knows I could use the help with the heavy lifting around the farm,” she admitted, eyes bright.

“Give us the day and time and we’ll be there. I’m sure he’d love to get away from the city for a bit.”

“Does Saturday work for y’all?”

“Perfectly,” he said, standing up. He ruffled Nathaniel’s hair as he walked out. “If you ever need anything, please don’t hesitate to call. I can bring whatever on Saturday or any other day.”

“Thank you, Tony. Same goes for you,” she smiled, waving him off as he walked to the yard. Donning the suit, he glanced one last time at the kids hanging around the perimeter before blasting off into the sky.

Day 61:

It was the 4th of July. 

The air was somber in the city. In the past, everyone had used this day to celebrate Captain America and what he stood for. Everyone had celebrated the good that could be found within people. Celebrated the moral foundation that the American government claimed to be built upon.

After Captain America went rogue and vehemently disagreed with the Accords, the general public seemed more hesitant to celebrate what he had stood for. Was he right to fight the government on this? Was he right to challenge something that would, in the long run, save more than harm? 

Or was it better to agree off the bat and then slowly change the Accords under the government’s nose? Was it better to stand for what you believed in, or to manipulate the situation into what you believed would be best?

These questions continued to pop up, even more so on that Independence Day. The media was flooded with philosophical debates on who was right in the Avenger’s Civil War. Tony knew the answer, but kept his mouth locked shut with wires and sharp teeth. The dirty secret he harbored in his body would never see the light of day if he could help it.

No one had been right.

Now it was just a matter of living with the fallout.

Ironically, July 4th actually was Steve’s birthday. He would be 40 today, or, technically, 98.

Either way, Tony and Peter weren’t celebrating either holiday.

Tony didn’t know how he could be so blind to his son’s pain. As a father, he should have known Peter was hurting just as much as he was. But he was so wrapped up in his injuries, in trying to fix the Accords, in trying to bring Steve back without outright asking for it, that he had completely missed the hollow look Peter had.

At breakfast, Tony gripped his shoulder hard and told him, “I’m sorry, Pete.”

“Why, Dad, there’s no rea—“

“Because I haven’t been here for you through this whole mess.”

“You were hurt—“

“That’s not an excuse for me to stop being a father.”

Peter sighed and shoved his plate away. “It’s fine, Dad,” he muttered as he fled the kitchen.

Peter shut himself away in his room and Tony wasn’t about to barge in and force him to talk. Peter never responded well to force, so Tony had to make himself more available for the boy to come talk to if he felt like it. He was just like Steve in that respect. Tony always threw himself into his work to distract his brain from looking too closely to any of his feelings. Steve liked to sulk in private, shove each thing he felt under a microscope and pick it apart until it was unrecognizable, then unload it all onto someone. 

After washing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen, Tony found himself on the couch. He pulled out the burner phone from his pocket countless times, staring at it and debating making the call. Or even sending a text. A simple happy birthday. 

_Happy birthday, liar. Hope it was a good one._

The man shut the phone with a clack, rubbing a hand against his beard. He flipped it open again, staring at the name before shutting it. 

“Dad,” a hand came into view, covering the phone in Tony’s hand. “Either make the call or don’t.”

Tony looked up at his son, frowning at the red eyes. “Do you want to talk to him?”

Peter sighed, collapsing on the couch next to Tony. “I—“ he started, pausing to gather his thoughts. “I’d like to, but I think I would just end up yelling a lot and not really saying anything.” He frowned. “It feels weird, not having him here today.” He grabbed one of the couch pillows and hugged it to his chest. “I even had a gift picked out for him before he...”

“Oh yeah?” he asked, shoving the phone back in his pocket and out of sight.

“Yeah, MJ found it like 4 months ago at this market place in Brooklyn. I didn’t want to go, because Queens is obviously better,” Tony laughed at this. “But I had to get it.” He shoved his phone to Tony. “It’s in the back of my closet. I don’t really know what to do with it now. I definitely don’t want to look at it anymore.”

It was a painting of Steve, Captain America suit on but the cowl was off, with a trademark smirk on his face. Around him were the words _I’m just a kid from Brooklyn._

Tony handed the phone back. “He would have loved it,” he said with a sad smile. “We can put it in the bedroom, if you want? Have it waiting there for him when he...” he drifted off, biting his lip at his own wording. _“When”…always “when” and not “if”. If Steve ever came back._

“Yeah, I’d rather have it out of sight if it’s going to collect dust anyway,” Peter agreed bitterly, hauling himself off the couch. Tony followed him to his room, watching him grab the large painting from his closet and toting it to Tony’s old room. Tony wordlessly opened the door, barely sparing a glance inside. Pepper had apparently come in to tidy things a bit, as the shield was back on the wall and the things strewn across the floor had been picked up. Peter dropped the painting right below the shield and looked up towards the white star. His hand reached out for a second, reaching for the gleaming metal before clenching it into a fist. When he turned towards Tony, the man took notice of the tear tracks down his son’s face and his son’s scrawl on the note on the painting. 

_To my Papa. I love you!  
Pete_

Tony reached out, swiping away the tears from the boy’s face. “C’mon, kiddo. We still have the Macy’s fireworks to watch from the rooftop. It’s tradition.”

Peter sniffled, shutting the door behind him as he left the room. “They better be good this year. The finale last year was just plain boring.”

Tony grabbed some blankets from the living and motioned Peter to grab the s’mores ingredients. “If they’re bad, I will personally visit them and tell them off.”

“You should send Aunt Pepper instead. She’s scary when she’s angry.”

“And I’m not?!” Tony exclaimed, hand covering his heart in offense.

“Nah, you just look like a grumpy old man,” Peter got out between laughs. 

“That’s it, no s’mores for you!” Tony grabbed the marshmallows from Peter and took off running towards the roof.

“Dad! Don’t you dare! I’m faster than you!”

“But you insulted me! And what I say is law!”

“Nooo!” Peter wailed out, sprinting up the steps after the man. “FRIDAY don’t let him through that door!”

“Don’t listen to him, FRIDAY!” He yelled, slamming into the door only to find it locked. “FRIDAY, how could you betray me like this?!”

Peter grabbed the marshmallows, cackling with glee. “Gotcha.”

Tony rolled his eyes playfully. “This time, maybe.” The door unlocked, letting the two onto the roof. There was a fire going already in the fire pit that had some chairs haphazardly placed around it. The last time they had used this was before the team had fought Ultron.

The two sat facing towards Brooklyn, making s’mores while they waited for the firework show to begin. At the first pop, sizzle, and bright, white explosion, Peter face had gone slack with awe.

Tony might have been biased towards Boston’s fireworks, but New Yorkers definitely knew how to put on a show.

Murmurs of “Dad, that’s the best one, no competition” and “Nah kid, the fizzlers are obviously the best” could be heard between the loud cracks of the fireworks in the sky. The show seemed to be over too soon, ending with the sky full of bright explosions of color scattered across the bridge. Cheers from the citizens of New York floated up to their viewpoint, signaling the end of a good Independence Day.

“Happy Fourth, kid,” Tony murmured, pressing a kiss to Peter’s forehead. 

“Happy Fourth, Dad,” Peter whispered back.

Day 67:

When Tony surfaced from the workshop, 4 hours since he went down after Peter went to bed, he was running on autopilot. In between the UN meetings he had to attend and his son to provide for, Stark Industries was taking a little bit of a hit with the lack of designs flowing in. He had been smart in the past to backlog enough designs to last the company a year or two in case anything happened, but he didn’t want Pepper to have to rely on those. Iron Man hadn’t even made an appearance since he had been declared healthy, and he doubted it would until the Accords were at a place he deemed sufficient. 

His thoughts were running in chaotic circles and he barely looked as he made his way to his bedroom. Eager to strip and collapse into bed, he missed the fact that he had ended up in his old room. _Their_ old room.

His shirt was half off when he noticed the glint of his arc reactor on the shield hanging on the wall. Shuddering at the memory of the sound it made when it shattered his chest, he pulled the shirt back on and closed his eyes. Steve’s wild face appeared in his mind, eyes full of anger and desperation and—

There had been a split second, a gleam in Steve’s eyes before he brought the shield down on him, where Tony knew that this was going to be the last thing he would see. Had known innately that Steve was going to kill him to save his friend.

He turned away, hoping that would be enough to shove the memory to the side. Instead, he was faced with something more painful.

There, on the wall, a framed picture, Peter was only 6 years old. He was sitting on Steve’s shoulders, waving his cotton candy like a sword and Steve was his mighty steed, yelling “that way, Papa!” Tony had been laughing so hard beside him that he didn’t notice the click of the camera from Natasha. 

The Avengers had gone to the Coney Island amusement park to celebrate Peter’s 2nd Adoptiversary, letting Peter lead them wherever he wanted to go. For Christmas that year, Natasha had given Tony the framed picture and Tony had only teared up a little when he went to hang it up in his and Steve’s room.

The memory was unexpected and just as painful as the one the shield sparked in the man. In the picture, the only lines on Tony’s face were from happiness and Steve was looking up at Peter in pure adoration. It gutted him to know that it had all been a sham.

_“He’s my friend.”_

_“So was I.”_

Squeezing his eyes, he gripped the wedding band on his hand and yanked it off. Steve wasn’t coming back. He had made his decision clear: he was choosing Barnes. Tony had no reason to bind himself to the man that had shattered his heart. He lived with the constant reminder of that day in the form of a hole in his chest. He didn’t need this weight on his finger to drag him down farther. 

He set it down next to the dog tags on the bureau and walked out of the room, shutting the door and leaning heavily against the wall across from it. “FRIDAY, lock that door. Only allow me and Pete entry with our override codes verbally spoken.”

“Alright, boss,” she spoke, a somber tone to her voice. She hadn’t learned enough yet to bar access for Tony without the order given, and the guilt was almost palpable in her confirmation. God, he missed JARVIS in times like these. He couldn’t hold it against her, though. She was too young.

“Thanks, Fri.” He let out a shaky breath and made for the kitchen, mind itching for something to occupy it. He was halfway through pouring a glass of whiskey before coming back to himself.

He hadn’t had a drop of alcohol since 2005. 

Before becoming a dad, he had been a mess. Anyone who had known him could attest to that. He had drowned himself in alcohol when he came back from Afghanistan, when he had palladium poisoning, when Steve had come out of the ice and immediately hated him and everything he stood for. He even had his hang-ups when he and Steve started dating a measly 3 months after Fury had forced Tony to introduce Steve to the 21st century.

But when Steve had laid out the adoption agency’s papers with Peter’s bio, he had vowed to himself to quit alcohol for good. He didn’t want to be his father. He would do everything in his power to be there for his son and love him and encourage him in the ways Howard never did.

He sighed as he poured the liquid from the glass down the sink. No use breaking the promise he made now. Instead, he filled up a small pot with milk and placed it on the stovetop. 

He had just found the cocoa powder buried in the back of the spice cabinet when he heard a soft, “Dad?” He turned, eyes taking in the sight of Peter, sleep rumpled and red eyed. “I can’t sleep,” the teen mumbled, swiping his sleeve under his nose, no doubt to wipe off the dripping mucus and surreptitiously mop up his tear tracks. 

Tony saw right through the act. He had done the exact same thing when he was younger, when he would approach his mother carefully after being hurt again by his own father. While the circumstances were different, the actions of a hurt child coming to their caring parent were the exact same.

He held out his arms in an open invitation. Peter came willingly, gripping Tony’s midsection in a fierce hug that the older man returned just as fiercely. 

_“You remind me so much of Maria sometimes,” Peggy said, holding his twenty-three year old hand from her place on the hospital bed. He had been fretting over her even though it was only a routine checkup. But he had seen the worried glances the doctors had given her CT scans. The blank look she got when he or Shannon had mentioned something from her life was no coincidence._

_“Why?” he prodded, out of curiosity. Everyone he had ever met had said his resemblance of his father, both in personality and looks, was uncanny._

_“You have her heart.” Peggy smiled, as if sharing a secret._

_He bit down the urge to argue and shoved his self-deprecating thoughts to the back of his mind. “Thanks, Aunt Peggy,” he said as he squeezed her hand._

_She easily saw through his facade. “You’ll understand what I mean one day. She’d be so proud of you.”_

_Tony had turned away at that point to hide the tears pooling in his eyes._

He understood now and the need to tell Peggy so was blinding. It was too late for that.

Instead, he kissed the top of his son’s head before pulling back. “That’s okay, Pete. Why don’t you go get comfortable on the couch and throw on a show? I’m making hot cocoa.”

Whatever was haunting Peter seemed to recede, allowing the boy to let out a small smile. “Only if you bring the marshmallows,” he called out, making his way towards the living room.

“It’s sacrilegious to have cocoa without marshmallows,” Tony said, pretending to be affronted. The man smiled at Peter’s muffled laughter.

By the time he plopped down on the couch, with the two steaming mugs on the coffee table next to a bag of large marshmallows, Parks and Rec was already playing. In retaliation for Peter starting without him, he stole one of his blankets and settled in for a night of Leslie Knope shenanigans. Three episodes into their binge (rightfully ignoring season 1 of course), their mugs were empty and Peter had laid his head on Tony’s lap, allowing Tony to play with his hair. Soft snores floated through the apartment above Leslie’s screech of “Not you too!” Tony was asleep before the next line could be heard.

Day 68:

It was noon when Pepper entered their floor of the tower to meet with Tony and Peter for lunch. However, she was greeted with the sight of the two on the couch. Tony was propped against the arm, head thrown back at an angle that was going to smart when he woke. Peter was cuddled against his side, drooling slightly on Tony’s chest. 

“Hey, Tony,” she murmured, touching his shoulder gently. 

“Hmm?” he hummed, turning his head slightly. “Pep?”

“Yeah, it’s me,” she replied. 

He lifted his head fully, cringing at the sharp pain that stabbed through his neck and back. “I’m getting too old for this,” he muttered as he took in the sight of Peter. 

“Hey Pete,” he spoke, combing his fingers through the boy’s hair. “Wakey wakey sunshine. Your Aunt Pep’s here.”

“Fy-more-minet” Peter grumbled, snuggling further down into the blanket. 

“It’s already noon, Peter,” Pepper said, amused. “You both are already late for our lunch together.”

Peter groaned, heaving himself upwards and glaring at the two adults. The unruly sight of his hair and crusty eyes gave Pepper a laugh, which inspired him to glare harder. 

“I’m not any happier about this than you, kid,” Tony sighed, rubbing his eyes. 

“As long as there’s coffee,” Peter conceded, moving towards his bedroom to get ready to head out. 

“We’ll be good in ten, Pep.” 

“Want to tell me why you two were sleeping out here before Peter comes back?” 

Tony let out a breath. “I couldn’t sleep, as usual. I think Pete had a nightmare, but he didn’t say anything. Just needed the company. I don’t want to push him too much.” 

The redhead nodded and grabbed his hand, thumbing at the empty ring finger. “You took it off.”

“Yeah,” he admitted. 

She gripped the hand harder. “Good. You need to move on.”

“I know,” he bit his lip and ran his other hand through his hair. 

“Dad! Hurry up so we can get coffee!”

Pepper smiled to herself. “You two are so alike it’s scary.”

Tony huffed a laugh. ”I guess.” He looked down. “He’s already so much better than I ever was, Pep. I’m so unbelievably proud of him.” 

Pepper looked like she was going to say something, but was interrupted by a voice coming from the hall. “I’m proud of you too, Dad!” 

The man turned towards the hallway in surprise. “Stop eavesdropping and get washed up, you little monster!”

“Okay! okay!” 

Day 87:

The throbbing pain behind Tony’s eyes only got worse as the council started arguing over the Raft and its uses. Secretary Ross was being the loudest in favor of keeping the prison operating and used, citing that it was the only facility currently made for housing enhanced individuals. He had maybe three other nations on his side while the rest had sided with Tony. He, along with the majority of the council, argued that it was inhumane to hold people there in a facility so isolated and didn’t allow the basic human rights that the inmates deserved. 

“Ross, if you shut your fat mouth for one second, you would realize that the Raft is completely unsustainable for the future of our nations! America has one of the worst prison systems in the world, and even then American prisons allow for basic rights! Like visitations, classes, contact with other inmates, and therapeutic programs to help the inmates rehabilitate and learn from their actions and repent! The Raft does no such thing. If we want a jail for supers and villains, we need to create a version of one that would allow them the same decency we offer in the regular prison system!” Tony stated, gesturing to the slides he had on the projector that showed the current living conditions at the Raft side-by-side with those of a typical American prison.

The three backing Ross suddenly fell silent, leaning away from their mics to discuss in quiet murmurs. Tony bit back his triumphant smile, knowing Ross would lose this round and wouldn’t be at all happy about it. The ambassador for Germany, the main one backing Ross, leaned forward again. “We find that we have to agree with Mr. Stark on that point, Mr. Ross. I propose we start making plans for giving prisons the means to hold supers without stripping their rights from them. They are humans too, and we should recognize that.”

“What should we do with the Raft then?” someone asked.

Tony thought back to SHIELD’s files he had read when they were leaked. “What if we used it to store alien tech?” Everyone turned to him with incredulous looks. “Before SHIELD fell, they had a secure facility called the Fridge. It was used to store alien technology and powerful weapons like Loki’s scepter or the Tesseract. When it was revealed Hydra had SHIELD by the balls, the Fridge was raided and a ton of those weapons disappeared. What if we used the Raft to store whatever we’re able to find from the Fridge?” He leaned forward to make his point clear. “Think about it. The Raft would operate under this council and therefore all the power would lie in the hands of multiple countries, rather than just one. No one would be able to stake claim to anything without the approval of the entire UN.” The room filled with muttered agreements, nodding at his words.

“All in favor?” Tony asked. Only one hand did not lift. “It’s settled. Mr. Heusgen, would you like to lead the charge on giving prisons the means to hold supers?”

The man nodded. “I would like to ask France, England, and America for aiding me with this.”

Tony starred at those ambassadors, smirking at the reluctant nod from Secretary Ross. “Sweet. Now if you don’t mind, ladies and gents, my son is about to get off from school and I’d like to be home to make him dinner.” He stood and headed for the door. “I’m assuming Ross will have us meeting again in no time, so I’ll see you then.” 

Stepping out in the hallway, Tony’s shoulders sagged with exhaustion. Ross had the council meeting every other week, basically, with whatever he deemed important to discuss. Tony was sure he was doing it to try to establish his power, but it was only irking the other members at being taken away from other important duties. 

He had been able to get some amendments on the Accords under way, allowing supers privacy in their personal lives. At this point, supers would just have to register with the government that they had a superpower. Their personal information would stay within the government, similar to registering for Social Security, and that would be that. They wouldn’t be able to operate with their superpower unless the government gave them explicit permission or the emergency situation called for it. There was some grey area within the document on what the emergency could be, but the UN seemed to be settled by examining situations on a case-by-case basis. 

The worst part of this whole ordeal was registering Peter under the Accords. Although he was a minor, he still had to document his powers as Spider-Man. Tony was lucky, in a way, that he was Peter’s father and therefore Spider-Man’s legal guardian. It gave him the power to ground the boy whenever he pleased and the UN listened to him and his reasons. He had to strike a deal with the UN to keep Spider-Man identity within the confines of the council so that Peter could live a normal, teenage life until he turned 18. He got enough attention as it was being the son of Tony Stark. He didn’t need any more as Spider-Man. 

Pepper greeted him at the end of the hallway with a small smile, handing him some Advil and water. “That bad, today?”

“Surprisingly, it was one of the easier meetings so far.” Tony admitted, gratefully swallowing the pills. “Ross was an ass, as usual, but I got the rest convinced to stop using the Raft as a prison. A win.”

“Good. Shall I send the information to T’Challa? To pass to the rest?”

Tony sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Yeah. Attach the amended Accords too. See if it persuades any of them to come back and sign.”

Pepper nodded, tapping at her StarkPad. “Don’t forget that the Maria Stark Foundation Fundraiser Gala is tonight.”

“Shit, really?” Tony asked. “I hate those.”

“It’s for a good cause.”

“I know, I just hate schmoozing old people too rich to know what to do with their money.” Tony paused to fish his phone out of his pocket. “Let me call Peter then.” He turned around, facing the windows in the corridor as he dialed.

“Dad?”

“Hey, Pete! So, I have an event I have to attend tonight. I won’t be home till late, so I wanted to tell you if you wanted to have Ned over, that’s fine—“

“Oh my god, really?”

“Yeah. You two can even go into the workshop to tinker—“ Tony was cut off by loud cheering in the background. “But please make sure to not mess with too many things. I’ll sic DUM-E on you both.”

“Yeah, course Dad! Ned’s been dying to see the new suit we’ve been working on, this is awesome.”

“He can stay over, too, if his mom will let him. Just try not to be up past 2, okay? Last time he was over I found you two stumbling around the lab muttering about the zombie apocalypse at 4 in the morning. And I tried to get you two to bed and then we got into the specifics on whether or not zombies could exist. Next thing I know the sun was up and you two hadn’t slept a wink!”

“Zombies can totally exist and I will die on that hill!” Tony heard Ned yell in the background.

“No, they can’t! Human physiology doesn’t work like that!” he argued back. Pepper shot him a glare, so he cleared his throat. “We’re not getting into that argument again. It’ll go on for another hour and Pepper will yell at me if I’m running late. Have fun tonight, kids.”

“Thanks Dad! See you later. Love you.”

“Love you too,” he shot back, ending the phone call and turning to Pepper. “Okay, lead me to my death.”

She rolled her eyes. “Drama queen.”

Day 98: 

This wasn’t going to be the first birthday Peter had spent without both of his parents. There had been that one where Steve had gotten stuck on a mission in France. SHIELD had been tailing a Hydra syndicate for weeks and had tracked the head to this small town in Eastern France. It was August 1st when they called Steve in, and he had promised Peter to be back by the end of the week.

It had taken him two weeks to get out. 

Peter had been inconsolable the whole time. Tony had never felt such relief until he dropped the newly turned 6 year old in the arms of the super soldier and collapsed into a chair.

Another time had been when Peter was turning 11. Tony had been lassoed into an emergency Stark Industries meeting concerning the Battle of New York. Since the company was handling a large portion of reconstructing New York, Tony was obligated to go. He hadn’t gotten home until after dark. He had found Steve holding Peter on the couch, both fast asleep. Peter had tried to stay up until Tony got home, so they could all celebrate together, but had drifted off sometime after dinner.

This one was bound to feel completely different, with one of his fathers gone for a more painful reason. 

Tony had gotten Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy free for the entire evening to celebrate with Peter and his friends. MJ and Ned had planned the whole day for Pete, including a huge brunch, followed by hours at the local arcade and then the Smithsonian, before crashing back at the Tower for a big dinner, cake, presents, and movies. Even Peter’s Aunt May, his only surviving relative, was able to get the evening off from her work to join the big family for the festivities.

Dinner consisted of six boxes of Peter’s favorite pizza from the parlor down the road. Tony knew better than to believe that Pete, Ned, and MJ wouldn’t eat a whole box each. He was even willing to bet that Peter would shovel down two whole pizzas. 

At the dinner table, Ned, MJ, and Peter were monopolizing the conversation by talking about conspiracy theories they had about their teachers and classmates. Rhodey and Happy had been goading it on, asking theoretical what-if’s about the teachers and making the kids even more suspicious of their poor chemistry teacher who sounded like he just needed a life. Pepper and May had been laughing at their antics the whole night. 

If Steve had been here, if the fight had never happened, this would have been one of the best days of Tony’s life.

Steve hadn’t been mentioned at all, which was for the best. Peter was truly enjoying himself and looked as though he hadn’t a care in the world other than debating if his chemistry teacher was a werewolf or if the principal and the math teacher had a love affair.

They all presented their gifts to Peter before starting the movies. He had grinned at each one, loving anything they would think to get him. At the car keys Tony had given him, he looked up in surprise. 

“Well, you’re 15 now, kid. Time to work on your permit. Can’t have a Stark not knowing how to drive.”

Peter had yelled out in excitement. “Which car is it?”

Tony grinned. “I guess you’ll have to see tomorrow.”

By 8 o’clock, they had all piled on the couch and chairs around the huge TV with cake and ice cream. Peter had requested only classic sci-fi films, with the Matrix being the first.

Tony rolled his eyes at the snide comments the teens kept making with Rhodey joining in. Theories were discussed left and right. Pillows were thrown at the TV multiple times to Pepper’s dismay. At one point, the teens had paused the movie to get into a long discussion of whether or not the Matrix was actually possible. Everyone had joined in with his or her own opinion and Tony, Rhodey, and the teens were all shouting over each other when Pepper slammed down a soda can. 

“We’re going to continue the movie and that’s final!”

Everyone leaned back in placation, grabbing some more cake as the movie continued. Next was Alien, followed by the Terminator. 

By the time Arnold Schwarzenegger had uttered his famous words, the teens were all drooling with sleep. Careful to not disturb them, the adults paused the movie and tiptoed into the kitchen.

“Thanks for coming over,” Tony said, dumping some plates in the sink. “Peter had a lot of fun today.”

“Thank you for having us,” Pepper whispered as she hugged him and pecked his cheek. Rhodey and Happy both gave him quick hugs before heading to the door.

May Parker looked teary-eyed as she hugged Tony. “Thank you for caring so deeply for that boy. And thank you for allowing me to be a part of his life.”

“Of course, May. He’s your nephew and he loves you.”

“He loves you too,” she stated, tapping his cheek before following after Happy. “Get some sleep tonight, Tony.”

“You too,” he called back, shutting the door behind them. He went back to the living room where the teens were still sleeping. 

“Alright, kids, it’s bed time,” he stated loudly as he kicked their feet.

“Dad,” Peter grumbled, shifting deeper into Ned’s shoulder. Ned was still out cold. MJ wasn’t faring any better.

“Up, come on, get to the guest rooms where you can sleep on real beds.”

Slowly, the three rallied and stumbled behind Tony towards the guest rooms. With Ned and MJ situated, Tony followed Peter to his bedroom, stopping in the doorway. 

“Happy birthday, Pete.”

Peter turned to hug Tony. “Thanks, Dad. Today was amazing.”

Tony kissed the top of his head. “Of course. Get some sleep, okay? I love you.”

“Love you too,” he smiled, shutting the door.

Tony headed to his own room so he could crash. He would have to be up early to make breakfast for three ravenous teens. Only coffee and Peter’s smile would make it worth it.

Day 99:

Contrary to popular belief, Tony was surprisingly good at cooking and baking. He hid it for as long as he could when he joined the Avengers, wanting to avoid having to cook for the entire team when they came over for movie night. His secret had been outted a year into the team being formed, when he cooked himself some lasagna at 3 in the morning and Clint had walked in. The archer caught sight of him in an apron, grinned, and ran out of the room shouting, “Tony can cook! Tony can cook real food!”

Natasha had punched Clint so hard he fell to the floor. 

Steve had given him the patented Stare of Disapproval, while Bruce had merely given a thumbs up before going back to bed. Peter didn’t even stir.

With eggs scrambled, bacon sizzling, and pancakes flipping, he was on his A-game. Still didn’t stop the shriek he let out when Peter spooked him.

“What the fu—Peter!”

Peter laughed loudly, gripping his sides. “Oh my god, your face.”

MJ and Ned had just rounded the corner as Tony was about to lay into Peter. He pulled back, dropping his pointed finger before waving his spatula at the table. “Sit down, breakfast is almost ready.”

“Coffee?” MJ asked, scratching her head.

“Yeah, I’ll get us some,” Peter replied, pulling out three mugs and filling them.

Breakfast proceeded to be a mostly quiet affair, with the teens still rubbing sleep from their eyes and the food being eaten. By the time they were done, MJ and Ned had to head back home. 

“Happy is waiting downstairs with the car to drop you two off,” Tony confirmed, waving as they opened the door and headed to the elevator. “Have a good day!”

“Thanks, Mr. Stark!” they called back, waving as the door closed behind them.

“Well, that was--.” Tony was cut off by a knock. He opened the front door again, expecting one of the teens to have left a sock or phone. He was confronted with a mailman. 

“Uh, Mr. Stark? I have a package for a Peter Stark.”

Tony’s brow furrowed as he grabbed the box. “Uh, thanks,” he said, shutting the door as he turned to face Peter. “This is for you, Pete.”

Peter frowned as he took it. “Who’s it from?”

“Doesn’t say.”

Peter ripped into it, frown deepening as a piece of paper and a burner phone tumbled out. “Oh.”

“Is it…?”

“Yeah,” Peter whispered, clutching at the paper as he read it. Tony leaned over him to read the neat scrawl over his shoulder. 

_Peter,_

_I’m sorry I can’t be there for your birthday. I think about you every day that I’m away from you. I miss you so much._

_I’m sorry I hurt you and your Dad. I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry I haven’t contacted you sooner. I’m sorry for everything._

_I hope one day you can understand why I did what I did. I might not have made the right choice, and I know that now, but it was my choice and now I have to live with it._

_If you ever want to talk, I’m just a phone call or text away. Just because I’m not there doesn’t mean we can’t talk about it._

_I love you with every fiber of my being, Pete._

_All my love,  
Your Pops_

Two teardrops fell to the page, soaking through the white paper.

“Peter?” Tony whispered, wrapping a hand around his son’s shoulder.

“Why would he do this?” the teen got out, gripping the note tightly and turning to look at Tony. “Why would he think this would help the fact that he left us, left me?”

“I don’t think he thinks it’s going to help anything, Peter,” he said back, biting his lip at the truth and thinking back to his old note folded in his nightstand. “It just sounds like he wants to talk to his son again.”

“He left us!” Peter cried out, slamming the note next to the phone. “He doesn’t have the right to call me his son anymore.”

Tony felt the air whoosh out of him. He never wanted Peter to hate Steve after this mess. He could hate Steve, but he was married to the man. It was different when your own child hated you. “He’s your father whether you like it or not. Yes, he messed up. He hurt me, he hurt _you_ , and he left us,” he paused. “You’re valid in feeling that way. That’s how I would feel. But he’s just giving you the option to reach out to him. This is his dumbass way of saying that, if you want, you can talk to him.”

Peter nodded, picking up the little slide phone. It even had a keyboard. “What if I don’t want to talk to him?”

“Then you don’t talk to him,” Tony answered.

“Will you be mad if I do?”

Tony felt his shoulders sag. “God, Pete, no, of course not. He’s your dad too.”

“Okay,” Peter muttered, pocketing the phone in his pants and grabbing the note again. “Okay.”

Day 123:

Scott Lang was back.

Tony couldn’t help but stare at the man, dressed in plain clothes and looking a little haggard. “Are there no beds in Wakanda?” 

Rhodey slapped his arm, giving him a look before turning back to Scott. “I think what he means to say is welcome back.”

Scott gave Rhodey a thankful look. “Thanks, I’m a little nervous.”

“It’s obv—“

“Understandable!” Rhodey responded. “You have to understand, since you’re the first one back, the UN will want to hold a trial concerning your predicament. I’m going to have to bring you in to our holding compound in DC.”

Scott nodded, shoulders drooping at the words. “Yeah, I know. I just want to see my little girl again. I’m so tired of running.”

Tony could understand the sentiment. “We’ll get you back home, Scott.”

**

The UN wasted no time in setting up the trial for Scott and getting it televised. The whole world was invested in the Accords now.

Ross was adamant that Scott be sent to jail, where he could serve hard time for the treason he committed against the country. It took four hours for Tony and Scott’s lawyer to convince the council that, since he willingly turned himself in, he should be given a lighter sentence. Also, Scott wasn’t even an enhanced individual. He was just a dude in a suit, much like Tony.

The main mediator had slammed his fist against his table, gathering everyone’s attention. “All in favor of Scott Lang being put on house arrest for two years, with parole following, after he signs the Accords and signs a contract stating he will never be in contact with Dr. Hank Pym or the Ant-Man suit again, raise your hands.”

Scott didn’t even look up, scared to see his fate decided before his eyes.

“The defendant is hereby required to report to the office of Secretary Ross to sign the Accords and the agreement to give up the Ant-Man suit and any and all business with Dr. Hank Pym. The defendant will be sent to his home in San Francisco and fitted with an ankle monitor. He will be placed on house arrest for two years followed by parole. Dismissed.”

The room erupted with loud voices, but Scott couldn’t hear a thing over the words rattling in his head.

He was _free._

He lifted his face, grinning at the sight of Tony’s warm eyes and soft smile. “Thank you, Tony. Really. This means the world to me.”

Tony grabbed his hand and squeezed. “I know. Being away from your kid is the hardest thing in the world.” He turned around, glancing at the door. “I have a surprise waiting for you after you sign.”

Scott’s eyebrows shot up. “Uh, okay.”

Tony motioned for him to follow up to Secretary Ross’ office. “You’ll see.”

“Lang. Stark,” Ross growled when the door opened. He slammed a thick stack of papers on the desk in front of him. “The places you have to sign are labeled with a red arrow. I’m assuming you’ve already read them?” he shot a glare at Tony.

“Uh, yeah, I did.”

“Good.”

As the pen whispered across each page with Scott’s signature, Ross continued his glaring. Scott slid the paper stack back, rubbing his hand to get rid of cramps. 

“You’re one lucky son of a bitch, Lang. If that council listened to any reason—“

“He’s already had to deal with the consequences of his actions that resulted in months of isolation away from his family and home. I don’t think he needs to hear another lecture from you,” Tony spat out. “Shove your dick elsewhere, Ross. This measuring contest is one you’ll never win.”

Ross’ face grew red as he spluttered. Tony didn’t even glance at him as he pushed Scott out of the office.

“Sorry about that, he’s a real jackass.”

“I figured after watching you fight him every week in that council room,” Scott replied, rubbing a hand over his face. “There was always a TV broadcasting your arguments. You’re a fantastic debater.”

Tony laughed. “Pepper and Rhodey would fight you on that statement.” He glanced at his phone. “Your surprise is waiting downstairs.”

Scott’s brow furrowed as they got in the elevator. When it opened in the lobby, his brows flew to his hairline. “Cassie?!”

“Daddy!!” a young girl cried out, sprinting towards them. She barreled into Scott, hugging him tightly in her small arms.

“Oh my god,” Scott whispered, burying his head in her hair. He glanced at Tony, who was setting up the flight they would all take to San Francisco, where Scott would get fitted with his anklet and then left mostly alone. “Thank you, Tony. Thank you.”

Tony gave a nod, eyes warm with the knowledge that he was doing the right thing for once.

Day 146:

Tony was in the middle of another meeting, this one thankfully with the Stark Industries board, when he got the call.

FRIDAY came over the speakers, her voice holding a sense of urgency that had Tony standing immediately and flicking his wrists out to call the Iron Man suit. “Boss, Peter’s school just called. They need you to come in.”

“Shit,” Tony muttered, feeling the suit start encasing him. “Sorry, guys. Fatherly duty calls.” The board didn’t look too upset, most having children of their own and knowing the sense of panic when the school calls about something. 

As soon as the faceplate clicked shut, he flew out of the window FRIDAY opened and headed towards Peter’s high school. “Did they give any more details, Fri?”

“He was given detention by his chemistry teacher for reasons unknown. Apparently five minutes in, they were showing a video and he ran from the room. One of the teachers caught him outside having a panic attack.”

_“Shit,”_ Tony repeated, accelerating faster. “ETA?”

“Five minutes, boss.”

“Got it,” Tony replied. He knew what the video was. Peter had laughed about it for hours after coming home from his first detention. Tony couldn’t even be angry at the kid for getting detention in the first place. He had ordered FRIDAY to pull up the video Peter was talking about and they had proceeded to make fun of Steve for the rest of the week about it. Steve had tried to be stern and lecture Peter, but it was too similar to the video for him to be taken seriously. Tony had lectured Pete later, after finding out it was related to him skipping class to be Spider-Man, which Steve didn’t know about yet, and Peter had promised to keep his detentions to a minimum. 

Tony landed on the front steps hard and stormed through the entrance without bothering to take the suit off. A woman stepped out of the front office and asked, “Mr. Stark?”

Tony stepped out of the suit and put it in sentry mode before answering. “Where is he?”

“This way,” the woman motioned, indicating for him to follow her. She headed back into the front office and towards a door labeled ‘Nurses Office.’ She opened it, letting Tony walk inside.

Peter was sitting on the little bed in there, gripping a water bottle like a lifeline. His cheeks were ruddy and his eyes were still shining.

“Oh Pete,” Tony let out, running forward to gather his son in his arms. Peter immediately started sobbing into his shoulder. Tony lifted a hand to card through Peter’s curls. “Was it the video?” He got a shaky nod and harder sobs as his answer.

“I miss him, Dad.” Peter whimpered against his shoulder.

“I know, Pete. I know. I miss him too,” he whispered back. 

As Peter’s tears slowly subsided, Tony let go of him to speak to the woman who had greeted him. “He’s fine now. It’s just hard for him to see that video you guys show in detention of Captain America lecturing the kids.”

The woman nodded solemnly. “It must be difficult after what happened.”

Tony grimaced. “Yeah. If he gets detention again, even though I keep telling him not to,” he rolled his eyes playfully, “can you please refrain from playing that video?”

“Yes, Mr. Stark. I’ll speak to the principal about removing it from the detention program altogether.”

“Thank you,” Tony replied, satisfied. He turned around and motioned for Peter that it was time to go. “You okay with riding along on the suit?”

Peter grinned, wiping away the last of the tears. “Yes! You never let me!” 

“For good reason!” Tony responded with a smile. “But I’ll make an exception today.” Tony climbed back in the suit and grabbed ahold of Peter. “Hold on tight, kid,” he commanded before taking off through the entrance of the school building.

Peter whooped, peeling his head away from the armor to look at the city as they flew. He loved swinging between buildings and the rush he got as he free fell, but that didn’t compare to flying like this.

The flight ended quickly as Tony landed on the balcony of the Tower. He let Peter down first before stepping out of the armor. Peter was already walking to the door when Tony called out. “We’re going to talk about it, you know.”

Peter let his head drop. “I figured.”

A warm hand on his shoulder caused him to look back up. “We can do it after we make dinner, okay?”

The teen nodded in response and bit his lip in hesitance. “Can we make Pop’s stew?”

Tony’s heart stuttered momentarily as he took in what Peter had just asked. “Uh, yeah. Course, Pete. If you can find the recipe.”

His brown eyes lit up. “Thanks, Dad,” he called out as he ran towards the kitchen. 

Tony paused before following him. Even though it had been ages since their fight, thinking of Steve still stung. It was like picking at the scab of an old wound. He just couldn’t fully heal. 

Jarvis, the real one, had always chastised him for picking at scabs. He always said the more you picked, the worse the scar would be. Tony had never been good at letting things go.

But he was getting tired.

He was tired of holding on to the anger and the pain. He was tired of constantly fighting Ross to make the Accords into something that would bring the rest of the Avengers back. He was tired of raising Pete without his other father.

Tony’s chest quaked as he inhaled against the heartache. He wasn’t allowed to be tired anymore.

Shoving his shoulders back, he followed Peter’s obnoxious rendition of Britney Spears to the kitchen. The teen was just getting to the chorus of Toxic when he walked in.

“Dad! Okay, I found the recipe and we have most of the ingredients, but I can’t find all the veggies that it calls for—“ 

“That’s okay, we can sub in some other veggies, right? That’s what his Ma would have done.”

Peter nodded, grabbing some of the bell peppers from the fridge. “Yeah, true, true.”

They puttered around the kitchen, Tony chopping the vegetables while Peter put together the stock and spices. Next was the meat and setting the pot to simmer for an hour while everything cooked. 

Tony propped his hip against the island, blocking Peter from leaving. “Want to tell me about it?” At Peter’s hesitation, he threw his hands in the air. “God, Pete! The school said you had panic attack over it.”

“It wasn’t that bad,” Peter mumbled, ducking his head.

“I know how hard this is on you.” Peter glared at that. “I _know_ , Pete, so don’t try to deny it.” Tony paused, biting his lip. This was never going to be easy. “Do you need to talk to someone?”

“Dad—“

“No, I’m serious, Pete. I’m not accusing you, or trying to make you feel bad, or anything. I’m just saying…it sometimes helps to get everything off your chest.” Peter looked away; Tony felt like he was losing him. “You know, I had a therapist for a while.” The teen’s eyes shot back to his. “Steve made me get one after we started dating. The memories of Afghanistan were starting to intrude on our relationship.” He let out a laugh. “I told him I’d only see one if he did too. I wasn’t about to go down without a fight.”

“Pops saw one too?” Peter asked quietly.

“Yeah. It was hard on him to wake up in a world where everything he knew was gone.” He sighed and dragged a hand through his hair. “I’m just saying, Pete. It’s nothing to be ashamed of if you want to try it. And if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work.”

Peter bit his lip.

“Hey,” Tony whispered, grabbing his son’s shoulder. “I know it’s hard to talk to your dumb old dad about this stuff, but you’re holding on to too many things. I just think you should talk to someone.”

The teenager nodded, letting tears slip out as he grabbed onto Tony. “Okay. I guess I can try it.”

Tony wrapped his arms around the boy, letting his chin rest on his head. “Okay, okay, thank you.” He made a mental note to schedule an appointment for Peter with his old therapist if they were still working. It would be easier if they already were familiar with the lives of superheroes. 

Day 182: 

He didn’t hear that Clint was back in the United States until Rhodey called him.

“He showed up, asking to sign the Accords and turn himself in,” his friend told him as he flew the Iron Man suit to DC. “He looks just about as desperate as Scott did.”

“I’m surprised he waited this long to come back,” Tony admitted.

“Me too.”

“I’ll be there in 30 minutes. Can you hold off the trial until then?”

“Yeah I’ll try. They’re like rabid dogs in there.”

“Thank you, platypus,” Tony said cheekily as he signed off.

**

Clint was granted the same deal as Scott. Two years house arrest with parole afterwards and to give up Hawkeye.

He took it immediately.

Day 190:

The Barton farm hadn’t changed a bit.

Tony found himself dragging his feet behind Peter as he walked up the dirt path to the front door. Everything seemed the exact same no matter how many times he visited. The area he and Steve had their argument while chopping wood, the shed where he had fixed the tractor and told Fury his deepest fear, the chair on the porch he had sat in for hours before Steve came to take him to bed.

He shook off the memories that had turned sour with age. No use dwelling on that one night when he had other things to worry about.

Like the talk Clint wanted to have.

After the trial, Clint had told him to come visit the following week if he had time. It had been an obvious ploy to try to talk about what happened, but Tony was actually looking forward to seeing Laura and the kids. 

“Dad?” Peter called out, fist raised to knock on the front door. “You good?”

“Yeah,” Tony nodded, straightening his jacket. “Just thinking.” 

Peter turned back to knock on the door.

“Coming!” a girl shouted, followed by the pounding of multiple feet. The door flung open to reveal a teenage girl and a pre-teen boy.

“Peter!” they called out, swarming him with hugs.

“Hey guys!” 

The girl broke off, letting Cooper start gushing over his new Lego set with Peter. “Mom! Dad! Uncle Tony and Peter are here!” Lila called out through the door. Tony was only slightly taken aback by the title. When he had first visited, he was Mr. Tony. He wondered what changed.

Laura rounded the corner, a small smile on her face. “Oh Tony,” she motioned for him to come closer, enveloping him in a strong hug. He clutched back after a second, thankful for her kindness. “How have you been?”

“Oh, you know, in between running a company, arguing with stuck-up politicians, and being a father, things have been going well,” Tony waved off her concern with a smile.

She gave him a knowing look, but didn’t say anything more. “Clint and Nathaniel are out back. I hope you’re free to stay for dinner?”

“Yeah, of course. I wouldn’t miss your cooking for the end of the world.”

She laughed. “Always the charmer. Now go find Clint, he’s been dying to talk to you.”

He nodded and moved towards the back of the house. “Thanks, Laura!” At the back door, he could hear Clint playing with Nathaniel, who was babbling loudly. He opened the back door with a creak, alerting the man of his presence. 

“Tony!” Clint gave a strained smile, hauling up the toddler in his arms. “Let me drop the menace off with Laura, then we can take a walk. Do you want a water or something?”

“No, I’m good,” Tony held the back door open for the other to walk through. 

Not even a minute later, the archer was back. “Come on,” he said, walking towards the large barn that housed the tractor. 

Tony grimaced at the sight.

_“I’m just an old man who cares very much about you.”_

_“And I’m the man who killed the Avengers,” he had spit out. “I saw it. I didn’t tell the team. How could I?” He paused. “I saw them all dead, Nick. Felt it. Whole world too. Because of me.”_

He sucked in a breath as the memory washed over him. Shoving it down, he booked it for the old tractor that hadn’t moved from the center of the room.

“Stark,” Clint started as Tony started tinkering with the old John Deer.

“What, Barton?” he snapped, grabbing a crescent wrench to loosen some of the bolts of the engine. He needed to get the hood off if he wanted to see the insides of the poor machine.

“I know what happened. In Siberia.”

“Oh, so hubby dearest spilled the beans, huh?”

“It only took a couple of months to get it out of him.”

Tony grit his teeth and flipped the hood open. “So what, Barton? You want to talk about our feelings? Is that it?” He turned back around, waving the wrench around. “Oh, the love of my life chose my parents’ murderer over me and then proceeded to almost kill me, I’m so sad, I can’t sleep at night.”

Clint leveled a look at him. “I’d be more pissed at you if I didn’t know how much truth those words hold.”

Tony glared and turned back to the tractor. It looked like the brake pads needed replacing. 

“Look, Stark…Tony. He knows he messed up. He _knows._ ” Tony felt his shoulders clench up. “But you did too.”

Tony threw the wrench to the ground and whirled back around. “How _dare_ you? I was trying to take responsibility and show this stupid team that our actions have consequences. I was trying to _stop you—_ “

“From what? Making our own decisions?”

“From _leaving!_ ” he cried out. He rubbed a hand over his arc reactor, feeling the weight of every mistake he ever made crushing down on him. “I just wanted to bring the team back so we could work through the Accords. Try to fix them…together.”

_“How are you guys planning on beating that?”_

_“Together.”_

Tony sunk to the dirt floor, sitting against the wheel of the tractor. It felt like he couldn’t catch his breath.

_Nick Fury stayed silent from his spot on the hay pile._

_Tony shrugged. “I wasn’t ready. I didn’t do all that I could.” He fisted his hands in his pockets to distract himself from his shaking voice._

_“That Maximoff girl…she’s working you, Stark. Playing on your fear.”_

_“No!” he cut in, turning back towards Fury. “I wasn’t tricked, I was shown. It wasn’t a nightmare…it was my legacy,” he admitted. “It’s the end of the path I started us on.”_

He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his fist against the reactor.

_“He’s my friend.”_

_“So was I.”_

“Tony!” Clint barked out, gripping his shoulders. He grabbed Tony’s empty hand and pressed it against his chest. “Focus on my breathing, on the rise and fall of my chest.”

It hurt to breathe.

“You’re in Missouri, on my farm, in the barn. Peter’s inside playing with the kids. Laura’s making dinner.”

Tony looked up at the man and took his hand off the arc reactor.

_CLANG!_

The hood of the tractor slammed down.

Tony’s hands flew back to the reactor as his shoulders hunched over. Anything to protect his heart from the shield hovering above him. “Not again, not again, not again…” 

He felt hands gripping his shoulders again, pulling him up and away from the tractor. “Come on, let’s get you outside in the sun, I’ll show you the new cows and chickens, you can even name one of them,” Clint was rambling with an arm around his waist.

At the bright stab of sunlight, Tony sucked in a breath of air. It was too warm to be Siberia, but too humid to be Afghanistan. He was fine. He was safe.

Halfway through the field towards the cows, he pulled away from Clint. “Sorry about that.”

Clint stopped and turned to look at him, empathy shining in his eyes. “Tony…”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You have to if you want to heal.”

Tony started walking again, ignoring the other.

“We’re all a little fucked up after what we’ve had to go through,” Clint stated as he caught up to him. “Can you at least tell me what…sets it off? So we can—“

“That’s not necessary.”

“Look, we never were close or anything. I know that. But I also know you were there for my family when I couldn’t be. I know the why behind everything you did in Germany and Siberia. I respect you, Tony, and I appreciate everything you’ve done to reunite me with my family. Let me try to return the favor.” 

Tony bit his lip and let it go. Pepper always wanted him to be more open. He knew Clint never wanted to pick up the role of Hawkeye again. It was likely he would never use the information against him. But that didn’t offer any comfort. 

“After Loki, I had nightmares about mind control for months,” Clint admitted. “I was an absolute control freak. I was obsessive about doing little tests to make sure I was myself. Laura finally had enough a few weeks after I returned home. She made me talk about it all and started doing little tests of her own on me. I was shocked at how much it helped.”

“That’s nice.”

“What I’m trying to say, Stark, is that it’s necessary to have support after going through the stuff we go through. Let your friends support you.”

Tony hummed as they came upon the cow pen. He let the silence drag on as Clint puttered around. One of the cows came up to him and nudged his hand. He let his palm drag over the soft nose and up to the forehead.

“Metal hitting metal,” Tony admitted quietly, knowing Clint could hear him. “The reactor. Water. Caves. Hot sand. Snow. Space. Steve.”

The cow started munching on the grass.

“Okay,” Clint let out as he went to stand next to Tony. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

“This is why we were never friends.”

“Oh stick a cork in it, we got along great.”

“Mmhmm, sure, whatever lets you sleep at night.”

**

The rest of the evening was filled with lighthearted talks of Peter’s and Lila’s antics in high school and what clubs they were a part of. Lila was adamant that archery was a better use of time while Peter kept arguing that robotics was “way cooler, oh my god, how can you think an old timey hunting skill would be better than building robots, Lila.”

Tony had shot a pointed look at Clint, who rolled his eyes and joined the argument that it was “a useful skill too, Peter. Do you know how many times my bow and arrow has saved your dumb dad’s life?”

“All due respect, Uncle Clint, but his robotics and mine have probably saved your life even more.”

“Ooh, your robotics? Getting all high and mighty there, kid.”

Tony saw Peter ready to open his mouth and say something about Spider-Man and cut him off with an “Okay, that’s enough. They’re both fine skills. Let’s move on. Lila, how’s pre-calc going?”

She groaned and cradled her head in her hands. “I hate it so much.”

“Oh come on, you don’t hate it, you just hate not understanding it right away.” She grumbled in agreement. “You know, you can call me anytime if you don’t get something.”

“Really?” she asked, looking up.

“Can I?” Cooper butted in. “I don’t understand what we’re doing in science right now and Mom and Dad are no help.”

“I’ll have you know I am a whiz at science!” Laura pointed out.

Tony laughed. “Yeah, of course. Just ask your mom to give me a call and I’ll be happy to help. Knowledge is power, kids.”

**

After saying thank you’s and goodbye’s, Tony and Peter finally headed towards the quinjet to fly home. 

“Who knew you’d become the tutor to every kid related to the Avengers?” Peter asked as FRIDAY booted up the jet.

Tony grumbled, “Math and science are extremely important subject matters for people to learn and understand.”

Peter just laughed in response.

Day 234:

It was December 24th. 

The presents lined the bottom of the Fir tree they had picked out and hauled back to the Tower. It was a modest tree, barely hitting 6 feet and covered in what ornaments the family had collected over the years. Tony and Steve’s favorites, which mainly consisted of crude crafts made by an elementary school Peter, lined the front of it. The lights wrapped around the tree twinkled every so often, casting the room in a warm glow. 

The chocolate chip cookies he and Peter had baked were left out with the milk right next to the fireplace. A silly tradition considering both of them knew Santa Claus did not exist, but Steve had always been adamant on celebrating the holiday to the fullest. Not in the way that supported the corporate greed of companies or the way the media portrayed, but in a way that celebrated family. Because, at the heart of Christmas, it was all about celebrating what you had and cherishing your loved ones. 

Even though Steve wasn’t there, they were still going to celebrate. Tony didn’t want the absence of his other father to completely ruin Peter’s holidays.

When the clock struck midnight, Tony laid a gentle kiss on his son’s forehead and whispered, “Merry Christmas, Pete. I love you.”

“Love you too, Dad. Merry Christmas.”

Day 235: 

Tony woke on Christmas morning feeling cold.

The gaping silence filling the bedroom was a harsh reminder of reality. That it was just him and Peter now.

Tony missed the strong arms that would encircle his waist, a warm body plastered against his back as he made coffee. He missed the minty kisses that would be peppered on his neck, hands, cheeks, and lips. He missed the soft laughs and the bright blue eyes. He missed feeling whole.

He flung off the covers and threw on his softest flannel and sweats. No use dressing up for the day when you would be spending it in. He quickly washed up and headed to the kitchen to start the pot of coffee.

Tony hissed at the cold floor in the kitchen and told FRIDAY to raise the temp up a few degrees. A quick glance outside confirmed that it was snowing. The living room was drearily empty, which meant that Peter was still in bed. The clock on the stove showed 10am, so he set the coffee to brew and went to wake up Peter.

“Hey, kid, it’s Christmas,” he smiled at the grumbled reply. “I’m making coffee. Come down in 10 and I’ll have the pancakes on the stove.”

“Mmmf oke,” Peter mumbled, cracking his eyes open. “H’py Chrismus.”

“Merry Chrisis!” Tony laughed, heading for the door.

“M’ry Chrysler,” Peter grinned as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

Tony’s smile didn’t fade as he made breakfast and poured two large cups of coffee. Peter eventually meandered to the kitchen table and inhaled about half the cup before starting in on the pancakes and eggs. Tony sat across from him with his own meal, taking a bite before mentioning, “Don’t forget that Pep, Rhodey, Happy, and May are coming by today around 2. We’ll open gifts then if that’s okay?”

“Yeah, course,” Peter got out between chews. “Would it…would it be okay if I called Pops today? Before they come over?”

Tony leaned back in surprise. “You don’t need my permission to call him, you know.”

“I know, I know…I just want your approval, I guess.”

“Oh,” Tony put the fork down. “Well, yeah, of course you can call him. He gave you the phone for a reason, right? Do you…do you know what you’re going to say?”

“No, not really. It just—it just feels really weird without him here.”

“Yeah, it does. He always loved any excuse to do cheesy family stuff.”

Peter smiled, “Yeah.” The fork clattered against the plate as he set it down. “I guess—I know he left, I know that, but I still feel bad because he’s out there alone when he should be here with us. And that’s stupid to feel because it was his decision and you’ve tried to get him to come back and he wouldn’t, but I just miss him and I guess I just wanted to wish him a Merry Christmas.”

Tony sighed. “It’s not stupid to still love someone after they’ve hurt you. That just shows you’re a good person.”

The boy nodded, getting up to set his finished plate in the sink. “I’m, uh, going to call him then.”

“Okay,” Tony said. “Good luck.”

Peter gave a weak smile in return and headed to his room, where the phone was still lying on his bedside table. He picked it up, taking a few calming breaths before dialing the one number listed.

“Peter?” came through the speaker, cracking on the last syllable.

“Uh, yeah. Hey Pops,” he sniffed. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Pete. God, it’s so good to hear you—,” he cut off with a wet, shuddery exhale. Peter stayed silent as the sounds of crying filtered over the phone. “I miss you so much,” Steve whispered.

“Yeah well I miss you too,” Peter spat out, tears filling his eyes. “Every day you’re not here, I miss you. Why’d you do it, Pops? Why?” he paused to blow his nose.

“Pete, you don’t know what Tony was asking—.”

“No! I do know, and I know everything that happened in Siberia. I had to suffer through the fallout and try to piece Dad back together afterwards.” He gave a dark chuckle at the gasp from Steve. “You thought I wouldn’t know, Pops? He wasn’t breathing when he came back.”

“I’m sorry,” Steve whispered between sobs.

“It’s not enough,” Peter got out even though his nose was clogged and his vision was blurred with tears. 

“I know. It’ll never be enough.” Steve cleared his throat. “But I am sorry for everything. I’m sorry I took it so far. I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry you had to live in the aftermath of our mess.”

Peter let out a sigh and collapsed on his bed. “I just…I won’t pretend to understand why you made the decisions you did. But, I just, I just _miss my Papa,_ ” Peter sobbed out, chest heaving with the force of them. 

Steve let out a noise. “ _God,_ I’m sorry, Petey, I’m so sorry. I never meant for it to go this far.”

“I just want you to _come home._ ”

“I can’t, Pete, I can’t. Not yet. Not with the Accords and not with Buck in the place he’s at.”

“Dad’s worked so hard on the Accords so you can come home. Haven’t you seen?” Peter cried out. “Why do you keep choosing him over us? You can come home and let him stay in Wakanda.”

“When we were your age, I promised him I’d stay by his side till the end of the line. I let him down when I couldn’t save him during the war, and this is my chance to make it up to him.”

“Wouldn’t he understand if you came back, though? So you could be my Pops again?”

“I…I can’t, Pete. I can’t.”

Peter scowled and wiped his eyes. “Fine, whatever, _Pops,_ ” he spat out. “I gotta go. Have a nice holiday.”

“Pete!” Steve called out. “I’m sor—!”

Peter hung up and resisted the urge to chuck the phone across the room. Instead, he slammed it into the drawer of his desk and stomped out into the hallway. He found Tony in the kitchen, scratching his head at a recipe on the counter. 

“Uh oh,” Tony let out at the sight of his face. He saw Peter’s lower lip quiver and tears well up in his eyes. “Come here, underoos.” His arms were soon full of a sobbing teenager. “That bad, huh?”

“I just don’t get it, Dad,” he whimpered out. “I miss him so much. But he still won’t come back.”

“I know,” he murmured, running a hand through the boy’s curls. “I wish he would come back too.”

Day 266:

Tony wasn’t sure anymore what they were arguing about. He and Peter rarely got into fights, but when they did, they were explosive.

It had started with Peter going MIA after school. He didn’t show up at home at his usual time and he hadn’t sent a text to Tony about being late. Tony had been worried, but that ramped up into freaking out when Peter didn’t answer any of his calls or texts.

When the boy walked in to their home at 9pm that night, looking ragged, Tony had flipped his shit.

“Where were you, young man?” he asked, crossing his arms. “Is that the suit? Peter, have you not been listening to me every time I tell you that you can’t be Spider-Man while the Accords are still being hashed out?”

“I was just patrolling the city, Dad. Not causing any trouble.”

“I don’t care! Someone could have saw you and reported you to the police, who would report it to Ross, who would try to bring the entire UN down on your ass to arrest you for acting outside of your limits!”

“I just wanted to have a little freedom! Be that friendly, neighborhood Spider-Man again, helping little old ladies from getting robbed and scaring off bullies.”

“You can’t do that while the Accords are the way they are! I told you, Peter, I told you that I would let you know when you can put on that suit and go out there and do your thing. But now isn’t the time.”

“When will it ever be the time, Dad?!” Peter yelled out, throwing his backpack to the floor. “Maybe I should have followed Pops and not signed those stupid Accords.”

Tony felt his heart stutter painfully in his chest. This was his worst nightmare, that everything he did would never be enough, _he’d never be enough, Howard was right, everything he did to protect the ones he loved was useless, a failure, you’re a failure you’re worthless you can never do enough—_

Peter looked stricken, mouth gaping, eyes wide and shining with tears. His mouth moved silently, the only sound being a slight whine coming from him.

Something wet fell on Tony’s cheek. He turned his back towards Peter, unable to look at him with the ache settling under the arc reactor and the tears welling in his own eyes.

“Dad, I’m sorry—“ 

Tony cut him off with a hand. “It’s fine, Pete. I know what you meant.”

“No, Dad—“

“I have some stuff to get done for work. If you need me, I’ll be in the lab.” He didn’t turn to look back at Peter as he made his way towards the stairs to the lab. He couldn’t take the guilt that would be in Peter’s eyes for saying the truth.

Tony didn’t know how much time had passed between him idly playing with a new gauntlet and when Peter stormed into the lab.

“Dad, I’m going to need you to listen to me and listen good,” he ground out, pointing a finger at Tony. “I’m sorry. What I said up there wasn’t even remotely true, holy shit, I was just so angry because I just wanted some goddamn alone time!” Peter burst out. “If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t change my decision of following you to Germany and backing you up even though you lectured me about it for _hours._ You’ve put up with my weird antics, supported me being Spider-Man, and have stayed with me throughout this whole mess and I wouldn’t trade that for anything, Dad.” He turned around, tugging at his hair.

“I needed some alone time today to…get away from it all. And nothing’s more therapeutic than swinging between buildings and letting the wind take all my problems away.”

Tony set down his soldering iron, focusing on the boy. “Talk to me. What happened, Pete?”

“It’s just…none of my friends understand what I’m going through. They all keep talking about their family drama, their family vacations, how their mom’s have been hounding them to study, whatever! And all I can think is that Pops left me and won’t come back! Was I not good enough, Dad?” he spit out, tears leaving wet tracks down his cheeks. “Did he not love us enough?”

Tony squeezed his eyes shut against the onslaught of emotions rising with him. “I don’t know anymore, Pete. He does love you. I know it. Before this mess, he would talk about you and your achievements constantly. Whenever he looked at you, his face would basically melt in adoration. It was sappy as hell.” He let out a laugh, on the verge of hysterics. “I’ve been working on those fucking Accords every day.” Tony took a shuddery breath, reigning his emotions back in. “Every time I get a break through with the council, I’ve been sending them to Wakanda, hoping that they’d reach Steve and he would come home finally.”

“Then why won’t he come home?” Peter asked, bottom lip wobbling. “Honestly, fuck the Accords!”

“Peter!”

“No! Fuck them! Pops shouldn’t be letting politics get in the way of being there for his only child!” he yelled out, tears steadily pouring down his cheeks. His face crumpled. “I’m just tired of my parents leaving me.”

Tony’s heart stuttered. Adopting Peter so soon after his parents had died and his Uncle Ben was shot was the hardest thing he and Steve had to work through. Peter had been understandably clingy and emotionally distraught every time one of them left for work. Kindergarten and elementary school were the hardest years for him. Tony knew that Peter’s abandonment issues still plagued him, but having them thrown out into the open was a cold shock of reality.

“God, Pete,” Tony said wetly, rushing over to grab the teen in a hug. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, letting Peter cry into his chest. “I’m never going to leave you, Pete, okay? It’s always going to be me and you, till the end of the world. We’re a team, right?”

Peter nodded, hiccupping against his chest. “I’m sorry for saying that.”

“It’s okay, Pete. Sometimes people say the worst things in the heat of the moment. Steve and I were always like that when we fought.”

Peter nodded, stepping back and wiping his nose on his sleeve. “Okay.”

Tony nodded, running a hand over his eyes. “Okay. Did you eat? Do you have any homework due tomorrow?”

“Yes I ate and no, no homework.”

“Good. If you want, before I send you off to bed, we can watch a few shows?” Tony offered.

“I wouldn’t mind that. Can I have a cup of cocoa?”

“Yeah, Pete. I’ll make some.”

“Thanks, Dad,” he smiled, heading towards the stairs.

Tony pulled himself together and followed. He knew now that Peter hadn’t truly meant what he said, but he would never be able to get it out of his mind. That maybe Peter should have gone with Steve. But then Peter wouldn’t be safe and wouldn’t have a shot at living a normal life.

He ran a hand over his face again, rubbing at his beard. The whole situation was too complicated to get into the specifics of it all. He could only hope he was doing right, doing good at raising Peter without Steve by his side. 

Day 304:

“This Stone may be our best chance at defeating him,” Strange stated.

_“Tell me his name again.”_

_“Thanos.”_

“And it may be his best chance against us,” Tony shot back, jabbing a finger in his direction. “What is your job, exactly? Besides barging in on runs with my best friend and making sparkles?”

“Protecting your reality, douchebag.”

“Okay, okay, can we table this discussion for now?” Bruce asked, slightly hysterical. “We have this Stone. We know where it is at least. And we have the Mind Stone, right? Vision has it and we should find him _right now._ ”

Tony inhaled a breath between his teeth. “Ah, see, that’s the thing.” Bruce gave him a look. “Vision turned off his transponder two weeks ago. He’s offline.”

“You lost another super bot?” Bruce yelled, throwing his hands out in desperation.

“I didn’t lose him!” Tony defended. “He’s more than that now. He’s evolving.”

“Who could find him?” Strange asked, stopping Tony from ranting at Bruce about Vision’s complexities.

“Shit,” Tony muttered, turning away from the men. He rubbed his beard before admitting “Probably Steve Rogers.”

Dr. Strange sighed. “Oh great.”

“Well, what are you waiting for? Call him,” Bruce motioned.

“It’s not that easy. God, we haven’t caught up in a spell, have we?” Tony looked at Bruce and saw the confusion. “Steve and I broke up. The Avengers split.”

“What?”

“Cap and I fell out, hard. We’re not on speaking terms anymore.”

Bruce grimaced. “Jesus,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair. “Normally I’d be more supportive, Tony, but Thor’s gone. Thanos is coming. If you can make the call, you have to.”

Tony didn’t have time to make the call.

**

“Hey Uncle Bruce! Long time, no see!” Peter said cheerily, helping Bruce stand while one of the aliens raged against Tony in the park.

“Peter?!”

“Oh God, that’s right. You didn’t know. Whoops, sorry to drop that on you!”

“What the hell, a super-kid, Tony? Really?!”

“Peter?!” Tony yelled, holding off a fist. “Why the hell aren’t you in school right now, young man?”

“We were on a field trip to the MoMA and I saw the ship!” Peter called out, waving to Bruce and slinging a web at the thug. “I couldn’t _not_ come help out.” He dodged a swing of the hammer only to be hit by the other hand. “What’s this guy’s problem?”

“He came from space to steal a necklace from a wizard,” Tony ground out, slamming a part of a taxi into the head. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Maw holding Strange against a building. “Pete, that’s the wizard! Get on it.”

“Got it!” Peter called out, swinging over to try to web up Maw. He was greeted by a flying billboard hitting him in the face. “Not cool, Squidward!” he yelled out, grinning at Tony’s burst of laughter.

Moments later, the space ship started its ascent upward, shining out two beams of light. One was obviously for the thug, which Tony deftly avoided. The other, meant for Strange and Maw, had picked up Peter as extra. 

“Uh, Dad? I’m getting beamed up.”

“Shit, hang on, Pete,” Tony replied, heading towards the ship as it gained altitude. “FRIDAY, unlock 17-A.”

“On it.”

“Pete, you gotta let go! I’m going to catch you.”

“No, we have to save the wizard!” Peter yelled out. He ripped off his mask, gasping for air as the ship continued its ascent. “Dad! I can’t breathe!”

“Hang on!” Tony watched in horror as Peter fell from the ship, only relaxing as his new suit encased him and he heard Peter mutter something about a new car smell. “Okay, that’s it, kid. Time to go home.”

“Don’t even think about it, Dad! You promised you wouldn’t leave me! We’re supposed to be a team!”

“FRIDAY—“

“Got it,” FRIDAY replied, activating the parachute in Peter’s suit, causing the boy to be pulled towards Earth.

**

Tony inhaled against the nerves thrumming in him as he walked through the ship. “Star Trek never really portrayed the whole _leaving behind everything you know,_ did it?” he asked himself. It didn’t take long to find the main room, where Maw had Strange elevated in the midst of glowing crystals. He was about to make his entrance when he spotted red and blue out of the corner of his eye. “Peter?!”

“Dad!” Peter yelled, running towards him and ignoring the other inhabitants of the room. 

“Uh, hello?” Strange called out, nerves causing his voice to shake a little. Maw simply stared at the intrusion. 

“Can you give us a moment?” Tony asked, gesturing at the space between him and Peter.

Strange opened his mouth to quip back, but Maw had already clenched his hand to shoot out a beam towards Tony and Peter. 

“Shit!” Peter yelled, dancing out of the way.

“Language!”

“Don’t you dare pull a Pops on me!” Peter griped, getting in some shots before being sent to the wall. 

“Guys?!” Strange yelled, voice lacing with pain as the crystal started driving into his head.

“You can wait a minute while I _lecture my son on following me into a spaceship!! Headed for space!!_ ” Tony’s voice grew hysterical as he punched a chord off him. “So, Peter Benjamin, do you want to tell me what the fuck you think you’re doing!” Tony yelled. “You were supposed to go back home! You weren’t supposed to be on this trip!” 

“I couldn’t let the one parent I had leave me,” Peter shot back wetly, slamming a rod into Maw.

Tony inhaled through his nose. “We are going to have the _longest_ discussion of your life when we get back home, mister. Just you wait. You’re so grounded, oh my god.”

“Can you two get this going a little faster—“

“I stay at home a lot of the time anyway, Dad—“

“No Ned, then!”

“Guys!”

“No Ned?!” Peter asked, flailing his arms.

“No Ned, except for school!” Tony exhaled sharply, turning back towards. “Okay, that’s it, Squidward. I’m pissed and time’s up. Hand us Harry Potter over there and we’ll be on our merry way.”

“I don’t think so,” Maw growled, waving a hand towards Tony who had to jump out of the metal’s way.

“Peter! Plan?” Tony called out.

“Remember when you showed me that really old movie, Aliens?”

**

With Maw gone and the wizard saved, it was easy for Tony and Strange to fall back into their bickering.

“Under no circumstances can we bring the Time Stone directly to Thanos. I don’t think you quite understand what’s at stake here.”

“No,” Tony grounded out, stalking over to Strange. “You don’t understand. Thanos has been in my head for _four years_ since he sent that army to New York and now he’s _back!_ ” He took a deep breath. “And I don’t know what to do. So I’m not so sure if it’s a better plan to fight him on our turf or his, but you saw what they did. What they can do. At least on his turf, he’s not expecting it, okay? So I say we take the fight to him, _Doctor._ ”

“Even though that leads your son right into his hands?” Strange spat back, brow furrowing.

Tony focused on Peter, standing on the side in silence. Peter shoved his shoulders back and puffed out his chest. “You know I can help you take him, Dad.”

Tony grimaced, at war in his head over what was more important, protecting Peter for what little time it took for Thanos to come to Earth or saving the world and trying to protect Peter while he was doing it. It wasn’t too hard of a decision to make.

“I know,” Tony nodded, focusing back on Strange. “I know.”

“Okay, so we go to him. I need you to understand though,” Strange trailed off, emphasizing with his hands. “If it comes to saving you, or Peter, or the Time Stone, I will not hesitate to let either of you die. The fate of the universe depends on this Stone.”

Tony jutted out his jaw in thought. “Nice. Good. Gotta love a moral compass.” He turned towards Peter. “Okay, Pete. I’m declaring you a full Avenger now,” he stated, using his arm to knight him.

Peter’s face lit up initially, eyes gleaming at the thought before sobering up, knowing this very well may be a one-way trip. He gulped. “God, this is like a dream and a nightmare rolled into one.”

Tony gripped his shoulder. “I wish I could have done that under better circumstances. Preferably when you were older, and not on a spaceship.”

“I wish Pops was here to see it,” Peter whispered.

“I know.”

**

“What the hell happened to this planet? It’s 8 degrees off its axis. It’s gravitational pull is all over the place,” Quill mentioned, reading the readouts off his device.

Tony shook his head. “That doesn’t even make scientific sense.” He looked at Peter, who was grinning at Mantis jumping up and down slowly a bit always. “At least we have one advantage. He’s coming to us. We’ll have to make a plan and use that to our advantage.” He started to hash out a plan with Quill before being interrupted.

Drax yawned loudly, standing next to Mantis who was still distracted by the lesser gravity.

“Are you _yawning?_ ” Tony asked, disbelieving his eyes. “In the middle of this? While I’m breaking it down? Huh? Did you hear what I said?”

“I stopped listening after you said ‘we need a plan.’”

“Not winging it isn’t really what they do,” Quill mentioned.

“Uh, what exactly is it that they do?” Peter asked, staring at the two.

Mantis leaned forward and widened her eyes. “Kick names, take ass.”

“Yeah!” Drax added, crossing his arms.

Tony inhaled slowly, staring at the sky in hopes that someone out there would hear his plea for support. Exhaling with hopelessness, he looked back at Quill. “Alright, just get over here. Mr. Lord, get your folks to circle up.”

“’Mr. Lord,’” Quill mocked and shook his head. “Star Lord is fine.” He motioned for Mantis and Drax to join the circle.

Tony started, “We gotta coalesce. We can’t come at Thanos with this plucky attitude—“

“Dude, don’t call us plucky. We don’t know what that means!” At Tony’s glare, he continued. “Alright, we’re optimistic, yes. I like your plan, but it sucks, so let me do the plan so that it can be really good.”

“Tell him about the dance-off to save the universe!” Drax suggested.

“What dance-off?” Tony asked, turning back to Quill.

“It’s not…It’s nothing.”

“Like in Footloose? The movie?” Peter asked, brow furrowing in thought.

“Yes! Exactly like in Footloose!” Quill agreed excitedly. “Is it still the greatest movie of all time?”

Peter was taken aback. “Uh, it never was.”

Quill frowned as Tony whirled on Peter. “Don’t encourage him. We’re getting no help from Flash Gordan over here.”

“Flash Gordan? That’s a compliment, you know,” Quill shot back. “Don’t forget, I’m half human. So that 50% of me that’s stupid? That’s 100% you,” he jabbed a finger towards Tony and Peter.

“Your math is blowing my mind,” Tony stated sarcastically.

“Uh…is your friend alright?” Mantis pointed towards Strange, who was sitting a ways away. His head was jerking around as a green glow encompassed him.

“Strange!” he called out. “We good?”

Strange tumbled forward, gasping for breath. “I went forward in time to view alternate futures. To see all possible outcomes of the coming conflict. I saw 14,000,605.”

“How many did we win?” Tony asked apprehensively, noticing the hesitation in Strange.

“One.”

**

The group had finally hashed out a plan and was waiting in position for Thanos to arrive. Strange was sitting on a staircase, positive that Thanos would open a portal in the plaza before him. Tony didn’t really believe him, but it was all they had to go on, so he shut his mouth and got to position with Peter.

“Peter,” he started, turning towards the boy. “I—shit,” he cut off, biting his lip before gripping Peter’s shoulder. “This is the biggest threat we’ve ever faced. I need you to know that. But I also need you to…” he looked down. “I know there’s not really any point in saying ‘stay safe’ to you, but I need you to stay alive, Pete.”

“That goes for you, too, Dad.”

Tony chuckled. “I promise if you promise.”

“I promise.”

“Good.” Tony gathered Peter in a hug. “I love you. We’re going to kick some ass, okay?” 

“Okay.”

**

They had almost gotten the gauntlet.

_Almost._

But stupid, insolent Quill had _ruined_ it. Tony was _seething_ behind the helmet.

Thanos had awoken and taken out the Guardians immediately. Then he set his sights on Tony, who was trying to make a general nuisance of himself to keep Thanos away from Strange.

One moon later and the amulet turning out to be a fake, Tony and Thanos were locked in an unforgiving battle. Nothing Tony did seemed to faze the Titan and he was running out of options and nanites to continue the fight.

The stab of the blade through his abdomen barely registered until Thanos dropped him to the ground. “You have my respect, Stark,” Thanos confessed. “When I’m done, half of humanity will still be alive. I hope they remember you.”

“Wait!” a yell sounded out. Strange was holding himself up from the dirt, looking worse for wear. “Spare his life…and I’ll give you the Stone.”

Thanos whirled on him. “No tricks, wizard.”

Strange shook his head, plucking the Time Stone from the atmosphere above him. He ignored Tony’s desperate yells and let the Stone float to Thanos. 

“One to go,” Thanos smiled and disappeared through a blue portal.

Tony gritted his teeth, turning to look at Strange. “Why would you do that?”

The wizard grimaced. “We’re in the endgame now.”

Tony shuddered at the wording. 

_“We’re the Avengers. We can bust arms dealers all the livelong day, but that up there...that’s the endgame,” he spoke, pointing upwards. The looming sight of the Chitauri army in the inky blackness of space would always be there when he closed his eyes. He needed the others to know what he saw, what knowledge he was plagued with that day. “How are you guys planning on beating that?”_

_“Together.”_

Peter limped over, collapsing next to him in the dirt. “Dad?!” his hands flew to Tony’s wound. “Dad, are you okay?”

“Yeah, Pete,’ Tony got out, using the nanites to shut the wound and hold together anything that was internally bleeding. “Are you?”

“Just bruised.” He stood up, wrapping his arms around Tony’s and hauling him to his feet. “We should head over to the others.”

Tony nodded, gripping onto his son’s shoulders as they limped to the rest of the group. Strange hadn’t gotten up from his position on the ground. “Strange! You okay?”

Strange lifted his head, nodding as he gathered himself. He started to stand before collapsing back onto the ground. “Give me a minute.”

“Something…is…happening,” Mantis got out before disintegrating into ash.

Drax looked to Quill. “Quill?” he asked as he disintegrated.

Quill looked horrified as he too started to disappear. “Aww man.”

“Tony,” Strange caught his attention. “There was no other way.”

Tony watched in horror as he dissolved into dust. 

“Dad?” Tony whipped back to his son, who was staring at his hands. “I don’t feel so good.”

Inhaling shakily, he stuttered “No, no, you’re all right, you’re all right.”

Peter stumbled into his arms, looking terrified as tears gathered in his eyes. “I don’t know what’s happening.” He gripped Tony in a hug, clinging with his spider strength. Tony lowered them to the ground, gripping back just as hard. “I don’t wanna go, Dad, please, I don’t wanna go, I don’t wanna go…”

Tony was shaking his head, staring at Peter’s young face, ignoring the tears in his eyes. “Oh God, no, Pete, not you, not you, I love you, okay? You’re going to be okay.”

Peter shuddered. “I’m sorry, Dad,” he whispered and succumbed to ash.

“No!!” Tony screamed out, clawing at the ash being whisked away with the breeze.

“He did it.”

Tony clenched his eyes shut against the truth. He wanted nothing more than to fall apart, curl up, let the tears fall freely at the loss of his son. He wanted to sleep, let the wound on his stomach claim him; he wanted to enter the cold reality of death so he could at least be there with Peter.

_Tony stared at Steve, the fear leaking into his eyes. “We’ll lose.”_

_The blond set his jaw and stared back. “Then we’ll do that together too.”_

Tony pressed his fist onto his mouth, swallowing down whatever noise was trying to claw its way out. They had lost. And Steve wasn’t there.

“We cannot stay here,” Nebula spoke again, reaching a hand out for his shoulder.

The man inhaled harshly and wiped his eyes. The smurf was right. Wallowing wasn’t going to get Peter back. He looked up. “Got a working ship?”

She frowned and looked over her shoulder. The Benatar was lying in the ruins and had taken some hits during the fight. “We might be able to salvage that.”

Tony nodded, standing next to her. “Let’s get to it.”

**

The ship was mostly fine. The fuel cells had cracked in the battle, but with some welding and siphoning fuel from the ship Nebula had crashed in, they were able to take it off and hit warp speed four within the day.

Hour after taking off, Tony had collapsed in feverish pain. The stab would was an angry red and his whole abdomen felt as though it was on fire.

“Infection,” Nebula stated, running off towards one side of the ship as stars flew by. They had a four-day trip ahead of them, with only two days of fuel. It wasn’t looking good, but at least they weren’t on that god-forsaken planet.

Tony sagged against the wall he had propped himself against. Nebula came back and threw his shirt up while brandishing a small silver object.

“What is that?”

She glanced up at him with her deep black eyes. “It’s something that will kill the infection from the source.”

He nodded, throwing his head back in pain as she lit up the object. It almost looked like a mini-welder. It definitely felt like a mini-welder.

When she had gone up and down the wound thrice, she stabbed him in the neck with a syringe. “This will also help.”

“Ouch!” Tony yelled, slapping his hand on his neck. “You gotta work on your bedside manner.” He received a glare in return. 

“Get some sleep. We need to do more repairs on the water reclaimer tomorrow.”

He nodded, hauling himself up and stumbling towards the sleeping quarters he had seen. He made sure to give Quill’s a wide berth. Who knew what that idiot did in there. He found Mantis’ sparse area and proceeded to collapse with exhaustion on her small mattress.

Day 1, Post Snap:

Tony and Nebula spent most of the morning cataloguing what food they had on the ship. Split between them and rationed out properly, they could push it to two weeks. And that would be pushing it.

Afterwards, they tried different things to redirect all fuel to the engines. Redirecting auxiliary power and doing some interesting things to the bombs Rocket had hid on board allowed them a little wiggle room. That still only left them with enough fuel to get them within the general neighborhood of the Solar System. They would be dead in the water after that.

The oxygen system on board was dependent on the water reclaimer system. Both could only function if the ship had electricity. After the power went out, they would be surviving on what reserves of air and water the ship had. After rerouting all the power they could spare to the oxygen system, Tony decided to start filling up any container they could find with water. The rules of survival in space: 3 minutes without oxygen and you’re dead; 3 days without water and you’re dead; 3 weeks without food and you’re dead. They would be fine for a week once the ship ran out of fuel, but after that it would be a stretch.

Nebula had been working on setting up an omnidirectional beacon that would send out a distress signal once the ship died on them. It was dangerous, not knowing who would come to their aid (or maybe even death) but it was a chance they would have to take.

As much as the engineering work and the looming threat of a slow death kept his mind busy, his thoughts still always cycled back to Peter. Tony slept poorly that night. 

Day 3, Post Snap:

Tony had found Quill’s Zune under one of his many discarded shirts in his sleeping quarters. Nebula didn’t seem too happy with the new addition of music to the atmosphere of the ship, but Tony was fine ignoring her steely aura if it meant he could listen to some music.

The engines had sputtered to their death after 53 hours. They could do nothing other than redirect the remaining dregs of fuel at the bottom towards the oxygen and water systems. They were sitting ducks.

Day 10, Post Snap:

Tony took it upon himself to start talking at Nebula, anything to fill the cold silence and ignore the black void outside. A bright birthing of stars was in the view of the cockpit windows, but it still reminded him a little too much of that wormhole in New York.

He told her all about the Avengers, about Rhodey, about Pepper, about Steve and their life together before the fight, about Peter and how proud he was of him.

Nebula had stayed furiously silent throughout his stories, only breaking it when he started getting choked up talking about the suit upgrades they had planned for Peter’s suit. She didn’t move from her spot under the control panel, still tinkering with the beacon to try to make it stronger, when she asked, “He was your son?”

“Yeah,” Tony smiled. He cranked harder on the water system’s valve. It was being stubborn. “Steve and I adopted him when he was 4. His parents died in an accident and his only surviving relative, his aunt, was working full time and couldn’t support him.” He stopped to set the wrench down, rubbing at the arc reactor. He was getting weaker over time trying to fight the infection and survive off minimal food. Nebula stayed quiet. “Just the other week, he was telling me about one of his best friends, MJ, and how he liked her but didn’t know what to do about it. And I stood there, like a fool, because my son? Having a crush on someone and thinking of asking her out? That was the first time I ever looked at him and saw him growing up.”

“How old was he?”

“Fifteen,” Tony sighed. _I’m gonna get you back, Pete. Don’t worry._

Nebula went back to her wires. Her arm spasmed against the circuit board she was working with. 

“Want me to take a look at that?”

“No,” she ground out.

“Come on, you got a look at my insides,” Tony bargained. She resolutely ignored him. “You’re no help if you’re in pain.”

She huffed and sat up quickly. “Fine,” she stated, scooting forward.

He sat down next to her. “What’s hurting?” She pointed at the elbow. He grabbed a flathead and placed his hand on her arm. “Is this okay?” At her nod, he started taking the top plates off. Inside, wires were barely hanging on to their nodes and gears had ground together. “Shit.”

“What?”

“I don’t know how you’ve been functioning with this mess,” he admitted, digging right in. Aligning the wires back up was pretty easy. He only needed to re-solder a few connections. Some of the gears were trashed, but he remembered seeing some in Rocket’s room that he could replace them with. The most concerning thing he saw were the connections themselves. They were inefficient and poorly done. “Do you mind if I…?”

“Do it.”

“It’s going to take a while.”

“We have time.”

Tony nodded and set to work.

Day 18, Post Snap:

They had run out of food 4 days ago.

He knew that would be the first to go, but it was still a hit to the gut. It didn’t seem likely that anyone was coming for them.

Nebula’s arm was functioning perfectly and she asked him to look at her hand. It had barely taken him an hour to optimize it. 

They were sitting at the table in the middle of the lower deck. He was trying to teach her paper football to pass some time while Dear Mr. Fantasy played in the background. He flicked his paper football at her, hiding a grin when she lifted her fists in a fight stance.

“You don’t need to do that,” he pointed out. “You’re just holding the goal position so I can try to score.” She grabbed one of her paper footballs and launched it as his fingers. “That was close!” he grinned. She launched another. “See! That’s a goal! We’re now one apiece.”

“I would like to try again,” she stated, leaning forward.

“Isn’t this fun?” he asked, flicking his towards her. It flew past her shoulder. “That was terrible. Now you have a chance to win.” She flicked it between his fingers. “You won! Congratulations,” he said, sticking his hand out. She reached back to shake it. “Good game. Did you have fun?”

“It was fun,” she nodded.

Day 22, Post Snap:

Tony had set up his busted Iron Man helmet in front of him. Half the thing had been shorn off in the fight, but it was still functioning. He tapped it, allowing a blue light to shine over him. 

“This thing on?” 

He leaned back against the chair behind him. He knew how terrible he looked. The feel of his ribs around the arc reactor, of his collarbones and his cheekbones jutting out with malnutrition, wasn’t a pleasant one. He rubbed a hand over his filled in beard.

“Hey Cap…Steve. If you find this recording, don’t post it on social media. It’s gonna be a real tear-jerker. I don’t know if you’re ever going to see these. I don’t even know if you’re…” he stuttered into silence, sucking in a breath to pull himself together. “After Peter, I don’t think I could handle losing anyone else. Even though I already lost you.” He glanced out the window beside him. “Today is day 21, uh, 22.

“You know, if it wasn’t for the existential terror of staring into the void of space, I’d say I’m feeling better today. The infection’s run its course. All thanks to the blue meanie back there.” He jutted a thumb over his shoulder towards the back of the ship where Nebula was sitting. “You’d love her. Very practical. Only a tiny bit sadistic.” He chuckled.

“Some of the fuel cells of the ship were cracked during the battle. We figured out a way to reverse the ion charge to buy ourselves some time, but we’re dead in the water now. We’re about 1000 light-years away rom the nearest 7-11.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Oxygen will run out tomorrow, and that’ll be it.

“Steve…I know you left. I know I took it too far, and I’m sorry. I know that we haven’t talked since that day. But this is it. Peter’s gone…and I’m about to be too. I was really hoping to pull off one last surprise, but it looks like…” he trailed off, staring into the stars again. “You know what it looks like. Don’t feel bad, Steve. I mean, if you grovel for a couple of weeks and then move on with enormous guilt, I wouldn’t be too upset.”

He leaned forward, thumbing at the helmet. “I should probably lie down. Enjoy the last reserves of oxygen while it’s left. Please know that…when I drift off, I’ll be thinking about you. It’s always you.”

Tony turned the helmet off, biting his lip before setting it to the side. Lying with his back to the cold emptiness of space and his jacket draped on him, he fell asleep.

Nebula silently approached him after ensuring he was asleep. Lifting his thin body, she set him in one of the pilot chairs facing the window where he would be more comfortable. Making sure he was settled and still sleeping, she walked away.

**

Tony didn’t think there would actually be a light he would need to follow when he died. There was one glaring at him and he couldn’t ignore it even though his eyes were closed. Squinting, he lifted a hand to try to shield his eyes. If it was a god claiming to lead him to some afterlife, he and it were going to have a few choice words.

His eyes focused, taking in the ship still around him and the glowing person outside the window. He didn’t have the energy to do anything but widen his eyes at the blonde woman, who grinned and saluted him. “Nebula?!” he called out, leaning forward in the seat a little.

She ran towards the cockpit, stuttering to a halt at the sight of the woman. She cocked her head and opened her mouth, but was cut off.

“It’s your lucky day!” the woman called out. “I’ve got two free tickets to Earth, and it seems you guys are in need of a lift.”

Tony nodded, “Uh, yeah, that would be nice.”

She grinned again. “I’ll get you there in a few hours.” She disappeared below the hull before popping back up again. “Name’s Carol, by the way.”

“Tony,” he responded with a hand on his chest. “The smurf here is Nebula.”

Carol gave a thumb up and disappeared again. Tony felt the ship start moving and saw the stars start to blur.

“I guess we’re not dying after all,” he sighed. “Time to face the music.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is part one (1) of a planned series with three (3) parts. The next part will be about Steve's side and experiences after the Civil War series. The third part will be when their two worlds collide for Infinity War part 2. However, while bits and pieces of these have already been written, I haven't gotten the inspiration to write any more, so no promises on when those will be out. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!


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